pain
Visitors are virtually always welcome at our humble abode. However, there has been a visitor attached to the Parkinson’s invader whose name is Pain. This visitor is not at all welcome and this unintentional host does everything he knows to avoid this annoying pest. Exercise helps stave off some of his visits, but often he arrives in the middle of a restful repose as though to shout: “hey buddy, I’m here!” A couple of years ago a benign spinal lumbar cyst was discovered and until recently, it appeared to be causing little problems. For several days now it is suspect in the appearance of sharp and piercing pains on the left side. The “stabs” are sometimes frequent and at other times a low throb diminishing to just a tightness. Anti-inflammatory medications are helpful, but fraught with their own insidious side effects, so this host chooses to use them judiciously. Sharing the thoughts of these invasive moments is not intended to draw sympathy, but rather to honestly give testimony to struggles for which there are often frankly no immediate solutions. My common response to pain is anger. Irrational though that response may be it often is the genesis of motivation to not be overtaken by the invader. A mighty partner in this journey is gratitude which serves as a comforting shroud. Wrapped within its satiating folds this host finds peace and the fuel of thankfulness that the discomfort of the invader is not greater than the Grantor of grace who calls us to look His way. Grace is a place where gratitude and thankfulness live without distraction. Admission is free; living there requires surrender.
All is quiet on the farm this morning. Even the rooster has taken a break. A chill has descended over the landscape as random leaves meander slowly to the ground. A reflective tone has emerged today as I ponder the blessings that have been wrought over the years. Pain and sorrow have been occasional visitors, but they have not overstayed their welcome as thankfulness and gratitude have swiftly filled their void. It seems like yesterday that I was wondering what life opportunities might unfold as I left this farm for college and adventures beyond. A whole new world began to emerge as I embraced possibilities along the path. The richness of people and places has been the source of great joy in the treasure chest of memories. As my family has grown, so has my bounty of gratitude been multiplied beyond simple measure. Challenges have more often than not been addressed as opportunities to discover and uncover the vastness of God’s creation. Even the challenges of disease are presenting discoveries new to me and bringing me closer to the beauty of a full spectrum of emotions that are always collected gently in my jar of thankfulness. The richness of being a human filled with the grace of God sustains this pilgrim’s journey. Psalm 23 has come to life and I am thankful to be tasting it!
A gentle breeze sweeps by the luscious fern overflowing from its hanging container. A random butterfly flutters from flower to flower in the abundant deck garden. The rooster crows and manifests for all to hear that his domain lies before the listening ear. The fresh coffee brew invigorates the taste buds as we take in the majesty of the Creator’s landscape. Fresh in the morning dew a backyard squirrel scampers about for what he might scavenge while avoiding the detection of the slumbering pup. Gratitude overflows this beating heart for another dawn has broken and another opportunity to discover more of God’s grace has arrived. The raging presence of stiffness and pain has subsided and an agenda of activity is about to unfold. Thankfulness will be the fuel that ignites this heart to embrace the arrival of each moment in the presence of a loving Lord.
The warmth and humidity engulf us as we sit under the canopy covered deck. Without the slightest movement perspiration emerges from the glands to cool this resting body. A wipe away or a decline in temperature will restore the comfort that once was a cooler clime. In much the same way the persistent pain that has emerged over the last twenty four hours seems to have engulfed my presence. The throbbing ache emerging from the lumbar region seems to be a persistent but unwelcome squatter who reminds me with every step that he demands attention. Exercise and stretching have had little effect in deterring this annoying intruder. Just as life must move forward in the presence of the humid air, so this one, for now, must move forward even in the presence of the painful visitor. In the midst of the emerging irrational anger comes the reminder that “this too shall pass.” This impatient life traveler gives thanks for the memory that these periods of near debilitating aches give way to freedom of movement without the nasty intruder. Gratitude is both the gift and the giver for therein lies a pathway to new horizons!
Clouds hover as the heat from the sun is reserved for space above the mist. The landscape still showers us with its beauty and grace as the verdant green of grass and trees bursts forth in the mist of the day. All is quiet this day as even birds and road traffic seem to have abandoned their posts. Stiffness and pain seem to have made their way in with the rising of the sun. Perhaps overindulgence in activities of late or perhaps it’s just the cycle this boomer body is to expect on the disease process road this one travels. At the edge of dawn I was taken by a moment of complaining to myself followed by a reminder that I have neither the right nor reason to be complaining about anything. Loved by an everlasting God of grace, provided with a sheltered place to sleep, and sustained with food and opportunities to minimize the effects of disease, I was suddenly turned from groans to gratitude. I am thankful that the choice to praise outweighs the propensity to pity.
A hazy glow spreads wide over the landscape as the warm air hovering the colder earth delivers an early morning fog. The wind is calm as the trees on the hillside make their stand in the shadowy mist. Prognosticators assert that rain will soon dissolve the cloudy glow as yet another warmer weather system visits from the south. The rain and fog will clear and sun will shine again on the beauty of the blooming landscape pronouncing to all the majesty of the Creator. Two days ago this boomer was internally clouded by the presence of pain from a migraine that was persistent. Although it had departed by the third day, its foggy effects lingered in a cloud of thought and feeling. Having experienced the ups and downs of life I knew that this too would pass. In the midst of its persistence there were times of doubt. The day of deliverance is here as even in the midst of the fog outside the inside fog has lifted and a heart of gratitude shines brightly within. Thankfulness fills this soul for the privilege of having clear days in which to soak up the rays of grace and mercy.
Blowing permeating warmth, the old furnace was fulfilling its purpose on this late winter morning. Long before the alarm clock sang out its tune of time to wake; my old acquaintance by the name of pain had decided to visit. He often just makes himself known in the region of my lower back, delivering a steady ache as he makes his presence known. Changing position often helps him quiet down, but ultimately, one must rise to an upright posture to accommodate this intruder who wishes to make himself a home. Wide awake, morning routine supersedes the alarm and the day is off to a grateful start. Walking outside with the dog as she answers nature’s call and attending to fumbling with animal feeding leads to quiet time with coffee and prayers of gratefulness for the opportunities that lie ahead. Pain has not left the premises, but the metaphorical rearrangement of furniture has put him in a tolerable place until he decides to seek attention once more. Attending to strategic exercises today that strengthens the shield against the intruder’s wrangling are on the agenda. Filled with thankfulness for another day of opportunity to experience the wonders of the Maker’s grace, this aging vessel seeks to serve its purpose.
By Cathy Garrott
Each day we all must face the unknown. We never know what might happen that will suddenly turn our world up-side-down. Just as my diagnosis of PD came totally out of the blue (when I had been assured it was something else) turning my life into daily struggles I never expected, I am reminded that there are other things that could do the same … stroke, cancer, death of a loved one, dissolution of a marriage, etc. There are all sorts of “dragons” that could rear their ugly heads and bring chaos into my life.
The challenges I must deal with every day because of PD pale in the light of the suffering that others are facing each day. I can’t let one victory cause me to forget the challenge that is still there, but when I realize that victory is possible I am to pursue it with all that is within me to do so! I must never assume that I will be able to go through life without facing challenges of one sort or another. I must forget what is behind and not be hindered by what is no longer available to me, but press forward to what is ahead … to do my best to win the battle laid out for me.
Light was streaming through the slightly opened blinds as morning came calling at the farm. The winter solstice has passed and days are growing longer as spring moves closer than before. As I lay contemplating the day ahead, my thoughts went to prayers of gratitude for a solid night’s rest, the presence of a comforting bed, and the sheer joy of another day of opportunities. Pain free and suppler than the day before, this thankful creature arose to tackle another day in the arms of a benevolent Creator. Whether engaged in reading, writing, stoking the stove, or exercising the puppy, gratitude will be the armor against all invaders. Gratitude is the capsule that if taken at least once daily guards against the invasion of sour grapes!
The room was filled with anticipation from those who attended the workshop that day. Insights into human motivation were being gleaned as the facilitators shared their mutual and respective experiences. Nothing was simplistic, but everything was being explained in a simple manner. “We have a choice in related to one another,” the first leader touted. “Build walls or bridges,” the second one followed. They postulated that each took time, energy, and materials to construct. One kept people out while the other gave egress to those desiring to cross. If one’s view of the world is that it is a daunting and hostile place, that person will most likely be about building walls, even if that person desires relationship. If one believes that the world has its challenges, but all may be overcome with the help and support of others, bridges will be built. Volumes have been written about relationships and the complexities therein. Some are quite helpful where others simply build reading skills. The discovery that how one views one’s diagnosis and symptoms can play an integral part in maintaining health and mobility has been a blessing. I am learning that “listening” to my symptoms of pain and stiffness rather than being hostile to them gives me yet another tool with which to build a bridge of understanding as to the complex needs of my body. Understanding the need for strategic and specific exercises, though possibly difficult to maneuver, may be the bridge over which greater comfort may eventually travel my way. Above all, I am thankful for insight that helps navigate the bridge building to greater peace with health. Someday, all will be made whole as I cross the bridge built by the Master Craftsman. Until then, I am thankful for any bridge building tools He brings my way.