PD
The hot and humid air penetrates to the skin as this surrendered host to PD moves ever so slowly through the morning haze at the farm. The square foot garden has provided abundantly this season and a desire to beat the mid-day heat prompted an early trek to gather cucumbers, tomatoes and string beans. Anticipating a quick turnaround (my fantasy, I know) the iron gate was left ajar. Voicing her content, one of the literal spring chickens began to waddle her way into the garden seeking fresh bugs or seeds to satiate her seemingly endless appetite. Desiring not to chase after her when I was finished I approached her from behind and touched her gently on the back of her neck. She squatted and lifted her wings in surrender as I gently picker her up and placed her outside the gate near several other curious chickens. They all made their happy perky sounds as they wandered off to the freshly mowed field in search of tender morsels. I too, filled with the undesired moisture that surrounded me and fraught with the strain of bending and pulling the string beans, turned to gather a few ripened tomatoes and the generously filled bag of fresh cucumbers and headed to the “conditioned” air of the habitat called home. As the cool and refreshing air surrounded me, I was suddenly filled with a sense of gratitude for the veggies, the cool retreat from the summer surge of heat and the warm and gentle encounter with the hen. The pain and stiffness had not departed but my new companion that I have grown to rely upon for comfort, the embrace of gratitude, served to gently sooth my thoughts and my cares as I whispered words of thanks to the provider of all things great or small. I am thankful for the discovery!
The summer solstice reminded us that there is still much light left in each day. Within that light lies opportunities to discover what’s possible. As the ceiling in the old house next door was torn away, the original logs placed there in the 1840’s were revealed in their grandeur. The discovery suddenly led to the possibility of a rustic living room embracing the home’s origin. A few slight layers of accumulated dust were swept away and vacuumed up in the old shop vac and a fresh coat of “white wash” was applied. As we gazed up through the ceiling we could see some light coming through from the gracious old bedroom above. New discoveries brought on new challenges which rendered new opportunities to discover new possibilities for making this newly revised structure a home for family to embrace for years to come. Thankful that there are well bodied family members who enjoy the challenge of changing structures waiting to be reconditioned, this reluctant but slowly accepting host to PD indulged slowly in the process of movements that were both challenging and rewarding. There are weeks of work that are not structural, but will be demanding on those willing to endure the journey for those with the vision of a renewed and welcoming family abode. Each day is filled with chores that challenge stamina and determination and reward the heart filled with gratitude for the richness unfolding.
Puddles arise in sections of the lawn and adjacent fields indicating the level of saturation already accomplished from the nearly two full days of rain. The banks of the pond are holding steady the downflow of water that has satiated the dry thirst of the last few months. Unseasonably cool temperatures add to the discomfort of venturing outside for tasks of even short duration. The usually ravenously grazing chickens in the barnyard have found a few dry spots to while away the day. Newly transplanted vegetables seem to be ravenously soaking up the downpour of fluid sustenance while producing bright and glistening blooms that precede the harvest just weeks away. While inconvenient to this geezer’s agenda, we recognize the need for these times of drizzle and downpour. As accommodating as the soil, chickens, and pond can be, so must this mind adjust to the need for nature to be fulfilled. Often with weather of this kind, this possessor of PD experiences stiffness with aches and pains that deflate the bubble of motivation that lifts us above the prickly terrain of discomfort. This time, we are not brought down by this weather, but rather wrapped in a shroud of healing warmth generated in the midst of gratitude for the renewing time afforded and the restful abode inhabited. A thankful heart now thrives in the presence of a time of renewing and a place of reflection.
She smiled so peacefully as she lay in the arms of the woman who was caring for her. I gently took her into my arms as I cradled her carefully for the first time. She slowly opened her eyes as she stared up into the face of one who was to become her father. A look of wonder on her face turned into a grin of satisfaction as she slowly closed her eyes to return to her dream world. Thirty years later and many life challenges behind us, this dad with PD still adores that smile of satisfaction that arises from her face each time we greet each other. Gratitude fills this old dad’s heart as he reflects on the wonders of the past and the hopes and joys of a future yet to come. Those piercing and loving eyes of a daughter so cherished penetrate to the heart of this thankful father and slices through the often rigid and tremulous posture that emerges involuntarily. Two days ago, we celebrated the thirtieth anniversary of her birth. Reflecting now unveils a mountain of thankfulness from whose pinnacle the view of tomorrow is made brighter.
Cloudy, overcast and chilly is the morning that greets this Spring day. It seems the ancient ones were right when predicting musculoskeletal dysfunction in the presence of cloudy and wet weather. I once thought it humorous when my grandmother would predict the onslaught of rain, simply by the lack of flexibility or pain in her joints. Interestingly, my humor has waned as the years have brought forth some similar experiences for this host to PD, among other visitors! Old is feeling so new and youth is feeling so ancient. Nevertheless, the sheer joy of living in these moments of observing nature, fellowship with friends and family, and the promise of a new dawn, fills this life experiencing heart and mind with gratitude that never ceases to lift our thoughts to brighter things. Holidays, birthdays, and other special days arrive whether sunny or not, and remind us that our time on earth together is not contingent upon the weather! A thankful heart flowing with gracious sharing with a sister or brother helps remind us that our purpose is to love one another!
The emerging green grass shows its healthy demeanor despite the few nights of sub-freezing weather. As the pre-spring warmth returns, this aging host to dopamine’s depletion (PD) savors each moment and welcomes the sense of greater freedom from the constraints of winter’s cold. With that freedom comes then the matter of choice. Shall the comfort of the sturdy recliner supersede the freedom to move about more in the warmth of the outdoor climes? Will the lure of a healthier existence with its enhanced ability in movement motivate this aching and often stiff creature toward a place of greater self-control? If so, to what end? Choosing the half-baked couch potato approach to today and tomorrow when there are multiples of other options seems wasteful and negligent. The many options available in the presence of strength of movement seem the wiser choice today. Furthermore, as gratitude has been the nourishment on the plate of thankfulness from which I feast and thrive, a choice neglectful of gracious options seems a poor response to such wonderful gifts. Today I opt for the multiples of choices more likely to appear in today’s arena of self-control and give thanks for thought provoking moments other people have already inspired.
It’s early morning and the sun has not yet begun to glow in the eastern sky, however, in the northwestern horizon the sky is aglow with light. The city and state just north of the farm is only a mile away and in these wee hours of the morning in the absence of sunlight, factory and city lights make themselves known. Earlier, as the seemingly routine sleep disturbance knocked so profoundly on the mind of this Parkinson’s host, I lay there frustrated that the sleep that had so passionately overtaken me just a few hours before had departed so abruptly. The more I tried to take control of my thoughts and seeming obsessions the greater the frustration grew and the further from that desired place of deep sleep I traveled. As frustration grew it became obvious that sleep was not to be even a faint visitor. The harder I fought to return to that place of rest the more “unrest” I exposed. This journey along the road of PD pandering has been fraught with frustration, a few feelings of defeat and a light of hope brought forward in utterances of thankfulness for even moments of quiet peace and joy. Today is different! Today I surrender! I surrender not to defeat but rather to the reality that life has changed, my body is different than it used to be, sleep as I have known it for years may or may not return. Agility as I had taken for granted so often in the past may never even make a visit again. Suddenly, there was peace within as I began to embrace the whole notion of surrender. This surrender does not translate to defeat; it partners with what is to be victory in this life that sorts through what is important and what is not. There is more to be learned as I begin today to walk along the journey of surrender, worrying not about my enemy but rather grasping the opportunities that are afforded me by the freedom from fighting that can be exercised in the joy of living!
The alarm sounded and the brain of this Parkinson’s host fought the notion of a new reality, different from the one soundly brewing in dreamland. Almost without thinking the morning routine of medication, a doggie run, a coffee brew, and another quiet time reading and reflecting was engaged. Today’s agenda had me driving in the dark of a mid-fall early morning to attend the first men’s prayer breakfast for this new month. Greetings, smiles and warm welcomes as we shared a morning biscuit or two set the stage for the moments of exchanging prayer requests, both of desires and those of gratitude. The “lesson” for today was from two parables from Luke’s Gospel: The Friend at Midnight and The Widow and the Judge (Luke 11:5-8, Luke 18:1-8). The verbal lesson was brief, but the meaningful lesson came with the instruction to find a quiet place within the church parlor to meditate and pray as our hearts and minds led us. Implicit was the charge to listen to what we were saying and perceiving in the quiet presence of our God with whom our thoughts were being shared. The time seemed to fly by as we were then called to a communal prayer of dismissal and charge to live in the love into which we had been immersed. A total of thirty minutes of my day had been occupied in the conscious presence of the One I worship when I step beyond the bounds of purely self. My day was changed; I viewed the world differently. As I did my errands and attended the tasks at hand I understood that I had crossed the bridge of thankfulness into the place of gratitude that gave a different light to those I saw and the things I did.
We were is deep conversation as the person with whom I was interacting sought to understand the dynamics of organizational outcome that were intertwined with commonly shared values that were “played out” in everyday behaviors of employees. Suddenly, the alarm sounded and I emerged to the stark reality that the meaningful and deep conversation in which I was engaged was in fact a dream and that my mind must now engage another real agenda that would embrace the here and now. Pondering the day ahead, soon to be filled with an agenda yet to be fully constructed, I paused to remember those I know and love and to whisper prayers of provision for each as only God knows their deepest needs. In the quiet of the morning and the refreshed cool reprieve from the hot days of summer I give thanks in awe for the experiences shared in life and the opportunities for learning, loving, and living midst the light of God’s love. The remnants of that early morning dream have reignited the pleasure received from having worked within the complexities of organizations designing ways of helping groups understand the uniqueness of their endeavors. As I reveled in uncovering pathways the joy of that unveiling was elevated when the one(s) on the journey discovered where that pathway was leading him (them). Where there had once been a dimly lit existence there then emerged upon discovery a glowing array of potential pathways on the journey to a cherished destination. Truly, the day has been filled with the light of gratitude that has colored each and every step. Even those steps tinted with PD have been exercised in the light of thankfulness and expressed in the glow of gratitude!
This morning’s pre-dawn glow was a hazy and foggy reminder that these cooler days do not arrive without evidence that change is underway. There is often physical resistance to weather changes that emerges as stiffness, joint and muscle aches or other symptoms lumped in the basket of descriptors called aging. This aging possessor of PD symptoms just a few weeks ago was experiencing seemingly unbearable aches and pains in his back and legs. At its height, even crawling into bed was accompanied by involuntary moans and cries for Divine intervention. That night was one of relative restoration wherein muscles began to relax and rest was welcomed. Nothing different was done in the daily routine that we can consciously attribute to the descent of well being into the place of agony that had ensued. Likewise, nothing was done differently that has brought about the feeling of healing as the pain and stiffness has steadily departed its position as daylong companion. Resumption of Physical Therapy exercises has been executed each day recently and enthusiastic prayers of thankfulness for the presence of a pain free back have been raised multiple of times each day. Whether Divine intervention or a divinely natural change in a lumbar cyst or other happening, this recipient of relief is enthusiastically grateful for the relief from the piercing pain that was truly debilitating! Gratitude fuels the flame of hope and peace that warms the depths of this heart embracing the blessing that is life!