agility
It’s early morning and the sun has not yet begun to glow in the eastern sky, however, in the northwestern horizon the sky is aglow with light. The city and state just north of the farm is only a mile away and in these wee hours of the morning in the absence of sunlight, factory and city lights make themselves known. Earlier, as the seemingly routine sleep disturbance knocked so profoundly on the mind of this Parkinson’s host, I lay there frustrated that the sleep that had so passionately overtaken me just a few hours before had departed so abruptly. The more I tried to take control of my thoughts and seeming obsessions the greater the frustration grew and the further from that desired place of deep sleep I traveled. As frustration grew it became obvious that sleep was not to be even a faint visitor. The harder I fought to return to that place of rest the more “unrest” I exposed. This journey along the road of PD pandering has been fraught with frustration, a few feelings of defeat and a light of hope brought forward in utterances of thankfulness for even moments of quiet peace and joy. Today is different! Today I surrender! I surrender not to defeat but rather to the reality that life has changed, my body is different than it used to be, sleep as I have known it for years may or may not return. Agility as I had taken for granted so often in the past may never even make a visit again. Suddenly, there was peace within as I began to embrace the whole notion of surrender. This surrender does not translate to defeat; it partners with what is to be victory in this life that sorts through what is important and what is not. There is more to be learned as I begin today to walk along the journey of surrender, worrying not about my enemy but rather grasping the opportunities that are afforded me by the freedom from fighting that can be exercised in the joy of living!
Chill permeates the space between the walls in the old farm house. Visions of spring flirt with moments of warmth interspersed with the cool expanse of an overcast day. As sunlight reigns longer each day, opportunities for nature’s bounty spring forth and blossom to bear its fruit and feed the birds and bees that rely so heavily upon it. Each morning brings with it seemingly endless challenges accompanied by equally abundant opportunities. The host to Parkinson’s, like the bearer of other chronic and persistent invaders knows too well the challenges of movement, agility, and flexibility that are daily reminders that what we perceive as wellness is so often a gift that is taken for granted. Beside the seemingly rough waters of challenge lies the shore of opportunity upon which possibilities emerge and flourish. Like the trees that thrive along the banks of the stream, opportunities for growth and change draw sustenance from the roots penetrating into the waters of challenge. The challenge of movement presents the opportunity to test the limits and rewards of exercise. The challenge of loss presents the opportunity to appreciate and negotiate a new or different pathway along which new and different outcomes may be experienced. Not every challenge is so easily viewed as an opportunity, but every opportunity when viewed through the prism of gratitude renders a new perspective from which accomplishments may be observed. The canvas comes alive as the artist uses the brush of thankfulness to create new and beautiful works from the tones of challenge and opportunity in the light of gratitude!
As the eve of summer approaches the swings in temperature seem to slow their pace. From cool crisp evenings to hot and sultry days we are moving to swings of hot and sultry to “not as hot” evenings. Eager for rain fall, the fields begin to display more and more brown. At this time last year we were inundated with rain to the degree that it was hard to keep up with all the growth stimulated by the moisture. Even without the abundance of rain, the grass in the garden beds seems to be enjoying and extra boost in nutrients as it spreads fruitfully to choke out the desired strawberry or cucumber. A little extra time and care is required, but we are thankful that an overabundance of rain has not nurtured the pesky invader further along. With a thankful heart and a tight gripping hand we attack the invader with enthusiasm. Sometimes there are swings in the Parkinson’s experience as well. Seemingly out of nowhere, stiffness will appear prompting resistance in a movement that for nearly a lifetime has been taken for granted. That quick flex of an ankle or foot that prompted an easy turn in direction in times past freezes into an almost locked position, defying the brain’s intention. It’s as though the body is ignoring the brain’s direction as it retorts “you talking to me?” We try replenishing the source of the dopamine that increasingly diminishes deep within the brain and thankfully it is successful most of the time. Exercise, resistant as this body has become to it, adds another element to the store of flexibility from which agility may make its purchase. Gratitude adds fuel for the journey as we amass resources that restore, maintain, and even nurture physical flexibility and agility, one day at a time.
The hanging fern swings gently in the morning breeze as streams of light shine through from the rising sun behind it. Early morning chores have given way to a time of reading and reflection. Not satisfied with just one there are currently three books in various stages of completion. The morning experience has become one of recognizing the presence of blessings. Thankful for an evening’s rest and filled with gratitude at the sight of another day, the morning serves as a time of gainful renewal, refocusing, and rejoicing. This diseased body is not symptom free, but mornings render it symptom-less as agility and flexibility open the door to greater ease of movement. Parkinson’s disease is noted for its progressive nature and I have experienced some of that progression over time. I have witnessed and heard about it [progression] from others who are similarly inflicted. Yesterday has passed and tomorrow is not promised. “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24
A device intended to help facilitate walking was fitted on my right foot and leg a few days ago. The difference in my gate is significant. There is less stress in my left hip and leg and greater support on my right leg and hip. The walk from the parking garage to the stairs ascending to the enclosed walkway that led to the medical center and the physical therapy suite was so much less stressful with the new prosthetic engaged. After observing my walk the therapist then set me on a series of exercises to correct many of the “compensations” I had been making for the not so nimble limb. The exercises are sometimes difficult and painful, but result in greater agility and flexibility. The best way I know to express my gratitude for this new opportunity with movement is to engage the exercises that will optimize this new “lease” on walking. A new walk with an old gate diminishes the effectiveness of the new and reduces the full benefit. Gratitude, then, emerges from the “feeling” heart and gives witness by its action. May your grateful actions today be expressed from the depth of your heart!