Parkinson’s disease
As variations in intensity of the rain pelting the tin roof of the old farm house gives evidence of nature’s force, thunder roars in the distance. Prognosticators warned of today’s varied intensities of much needed rain for the region. The newly planted garden is saved from well water and is instead soaked in nature’s bounty from above. Gracie, the pampered Golden nestles her head against the sofa as we wait out the passing deluge. We embrace the sunshine and warmth there from and sometimes lament its loss when the storms arise. However, the storms are as vital a part of nature’s bounty as is the sunshine. Both have their place in the ongoing outpouring of the blessing we call life. As Parkinson’s disease has taken up residence in this current inhabitant of the farmhouse, we have had to exercise the notion of acceptance that varied symptoms are a evidence of the invader’s continued presence. Like shelter from the storm keeps one drier and cooler or warmer, addressing the constellation of untoward symptoms with preparation is note worthy. Sometimes the storms arise quickly and seemingly without warning. At other times one can sense the ominous arrival of the storm as changes in resistance, flexibility, and involuntary movements and even gait emerge. Making hay while the sun shines is a well known farming fact and productivity metaphor and one to be wisely executed in the life of the one desiring to thrive. Response to the blessing of opportunity is best expressed with the embrace of gratitude and action in the direction the opportunity affords. Gratitude, like sunshine, helps one through the bouts of drizzle and deluge that might otherwise wash away rather than nurture. May your garden thrive in the soil of gratitude that is enriched by the down pouring of thankfulness midst the presence of opportunity!
The distant view of the western horizon is obscured by the steady downpour of rain on this warming spring day. Remnants of wind torn siding ripped from the eaves of the farmhouse lay in collected piles awaiting repair and restoration where usable. This season has been inundated with teases of summer, haunts of winter and remnants of floods. One consistency that we are learning to count on is change! Change from welcomed and expected climes to those wished behind us and back again has become the cycle consistently expressed. Deep within the brain of those of us who have been called upon to host the ever depleting levels of dopamine that has been labeled as Parkinson’s disease, a phenomenon similar to the current weather pattern has emerged. It too is called change. That change may occur rapidly and with unexpected consequences or it may emerge slowly in medically predictable fashions. In either instance, it embraces what has become familiar; sometimes friendly, sometimes a foe, but always change. Although friendship with an apparent foe seems an unlikely occurrence, friendship has become a reasonably logical step along the pathway to a place of peace. The friendship is not with the consequences of change per se, but rather with the very fact that change is an inevitable part of the process of life. Thankfulness for another step along the pathway to the “peace” that goes beyond routine understanding leads one to the gate of gratitude that when entered renders a whole new vista.
A raven sails low to the ground casting his shadow on the green and golden field just below. The contrast between this bright and sunny day and the recent wind torn and blustery cold rainy one in the recent past is stark. In the quiet and peaceful illumination of this time and place it seems unimaginable that it would ever appear otherwise. Somehow the relative warmth and brightness of this day brings with it a vista of hope that there will be more of these to come. The season of cold, drab, and rainy days will soon be behind us and we will revel for a time in the warmth of the blessing of the sun. As unintended host to the invader known as Parkinson’s disease, the absence or relief of symptoms that overcast otherwise bright and sunny movements and moods is met with the same breath of gratitude as that of a sunny day. Self-pity and moans of pain and struggles with movement subside like the retreat of the ocean waters at low tide. A new friend recently shared a story in which he was expressing a “prayer” of thankfulness for all the illnesses that he “didn’t” have. I couldn’t emotionally or cognitively relate, but nodded in recognition that he had been heard. I find greater comfort and strength in gratitude for what I do have rather than gratitude for what I don’t have. Gratitude for periods of relatively free symptoms, moments of abilities to walk without pain and resistance, and gratitude for medications, health professionals and loved ones that make this hosting journey a bit less lonely, serve as a foundation upon which I find comfort building. Tomorrow the symptomatic weather may change; today, I live in the light and warmth of thankfulness for what I have before me – opportunity! Gratitude fuels my engine of motivation to embrace the windows of opportunity that open to the fresh air of change!
The western sky emits a pinkish hue as the dusting of snow brightens the landscape on this cold winter morning. Another storm is predicted to arrive tomorrow with potentially ominous amounts of snow in its path. The normal chatter of crows in the field is absent as even the birds seem to be hovering close to maintain their warmth. Sunshine is predicted for the day to precede the downpour of snow. We cherish the brightness before the storm. As prepared as we know to be for what may come, we settle in for routine chores and tasks required of residents in the old farm house. Still waking from the shadow of a hard night’s sleep, this unwilling host to Parkinson’s disease contemplates the need for gratitude versus rumination in the presence of stiffness, rigidity, and lumbar pain. Focus on the unwanted only heaps on layers of stress and underlying anger at “my state” whereas intentional focus on thoughts of gratitude lifts me from a place of potential despair to one of peace. Crude and trite thoughts of thankfulness that embrace the notion that “it could be worse” or “look at what others experience” have little foundation upon which this journeyman may rest. Instead, genuine expressions of thankfulness for the victories in challenges past and yet to come serve as fertile soil in which hope may grow and a harvest of gratitude may be gathered. Recognizing this life as a process of living out one’s core of faith rather than the simple experience of an event renders a vista to a whole new landscape. This traveler is discovering the joy of living in the light of gratitude in this journey that is life!
Stillness surrounds the overcast landscape as we witness the dawn of a new day. Gracie the Golden Retriever lies sleeping as close as she can get without being in my lap. In the distance, a crow caws his persistent refrain. All is still and calm as it appears that not even a vehicle has passed by. This first day of a new year has brought with it an opportunity for reflection. Challenges have been abundant and many have led to opportunities. Still others have necessitated change and adaptation to a “new normal” for this gradually accepting host of Parkinson’s disease. Although we have made friends with the diagnosis and reality of this disease, we cannot fully embrace it as we are yet to discover the unique way in which it will work its way through this also unique human inhabitant. We have shed tears, moved with a slowness that tries patience, endured penetrating pain. We have also enjoyed travel, legalized a lasting relationship, discovered more genetic background, and learned the joy of seeing families cherish their newly acquired puppies. Contributing time, energy, and heartfelt love with several ministries at church has been the spark of a sustained blessing that gives encouragement at each involvement. Gratitude now shores the pathway upon which we plan our moves forward in this new day. Thankfulness brightens the window through which we reflect upon from where we’ve come and step with hope into what is to be discovered!
A steady drizzle descends over the landscape this unusually warm December morning as we strive to assimilate again to our home environment. We arrived last evening after a daunting drive from South Florida to the outrageously eager welcome from Gracie the Golden and the embrace of our own bed. The task of preparing a property for market after years of passive neglect had taken virtually all our strength and energy over the past few weeks and this unwilling host to Parkinson’s disease was exhaustingly ready for the return home. Daily sorting through a massive “to do” list and having to take frequent physical relief breaks while lamenting the still “not done” list began to heap the weight of frustration upon the physical resistance. The handy skills of a friend hired to complete some of the work offered pleasant hope that all would be accomplished in the allotted time. Willing hearted sons with limited time available from work and family served to advance the accomplishments as well. A granddaughter’s desire to be of help proved to be a generous blessing and a daughter’s welcoming accommodation added to the list of things for which we are thankful. Although we did not fully accomplish the desired outcome while there, we are grateful that we have scheduled the work for completion. Gratitude has been the fuel that ignited the understanding that physical limitations fail to define the journey, but rather serve as guideposts for the path we choose.
As I peer through the windows at the green, yellow, and brown toned leaves flapping in the autumn breeze, I am today remembering those same leaves as vibrant green in the spring and summer. I recall that when a child my shoes, shirt, and long pants were shed for shorts as soon as school was out for that season. Those seemingly restrictive items of clothing were used only for Sunday school and special occasions. Autumn meant a loss of freedom to wander the farm and the woodlands unrestricted by garments and need for warmth from the cooling air. Now far from those days of childhood the feelings of loss try to insinuate themselves as the overcast skies prompt an apparent gloom on the yellowing autumn landscape. Parkinson’s disease has brought with it symptoms of stiffness and movement restrictions that now being experienced in the autumn add to those feelings of loss of freedom. A seemingly easy task for which I volunteered yesterday turned into a major physical challenge that was taxing yet a blessing and joy as those for whom the service was rendered received great joy. The childhood experience became less and less an issue as I moved on to different tasks with school and life on the farm. I learned that those tasks were of no less value (to me or to others), just different. In this autumn, here and now, I am grateful for the experience that taught me that what I am able to accomplish now has no less value. It is just different. Tasks now may require a different accommodation than before. Chores may take a bit longer than previous times. As I ponder the things yet to be done I embrace those thoughts with a thankful heart that fills with joy.
She sits by the window and watches as the ravens prance in the open field, consuming the occasional worm or creature driven to the soil’s surface by the recent deluge from days of rain. Readjusting her position to view another field, Gracie the Golden lets loose a low grade groan as she expresses herself about the goings on outside. Her run in the early morning had been short as she wanted not to miss out on the fresh dish of food she has become accustomed to as waiting for her return inside. Gracie sat eagerly as she peered in through the glass on the door and Sebastian the barn cat rubbed himself gingerly around the porch bench as he “meowed” his desire for a morning morsel as well. Cawing crows, a meowing cat, and a restless retriever are welcomed participants in the celebration of a new morning. Although stiffness is a seemingly constant companion to this reluctant participant in Parkinson’s disease, we find movement and stretching and bending and twisting to accommodate doors, the dog, the dish and the needs of others brings about an unloosing of flexibility. A cloud of otherwise dreaded challenge is lifted by the light of gratitude that arises as we reflect on the opportunities that lie ahead for today’s unraveling of possibilities. Thankful for shelter, people, and other creatures to love, this somewhat stiff but willing participant steps onto the stage of today’s production.
Gazing beyond the chestnut tree past the gazebo and onto the pond this reluctant participant in Parkinson’s disease gives thanks for the opportunity to enjoy the experience of family. During the course of one month we have hosted two sons and their families and reveled in the marriage celebration of a cousin with a plethora of relatives. Each of these adventures has brought immeasurable joy and great comfort as we now view the beauty of the landscape and recall the unique elements of each blessing. The wonder of our nine month old granddaughter crawling her way past the otherwise preoccupied pup tussling with her canine mother is yet another mental picture added to the book of gratitude being compiled with recollections. As we whisper the words of thanks for the opportunity to share these precious moments recalled we are filled with the presence of peace that supersedes our cares. Gratitude is the spark that ignites the fuel of thankfulness that illuminates our landscape of memories. May your memories today be filled with light!
Morning sun peers through the thin eastern haze as the stillness of the forest awaits the arrival of another late summer day. Puppies fed and their mother relieved of her morning duties, this possessor of Parkinson’s disease ponders what is ahead for this day. Grateful for physical movement and another breath we sit in awe of the silence in the old farm house. Away from the impassioned postings that pop forth on social media and the angst that some of that energy isn’t being used to “love one another,” we contemplate what that command will mean for me as this day unfolds. We reflect on today’s “to do’s” and wonder in what ways they may be expressions of “to love.” A doctor’s visit, a laundry drop at the cleaner’s, a grocery stop, a load of darks and a load of whites through the washer and the cleaning of the puppy pen are but a few of the “opportunities” listed for today. Interestingly, none of these are what I “love” to do. Realizing “love” is a verb helps reframe today’s list. The prayer now for this day is that the “to do” be executed in a way that demonstrates acts of love. If I do not succeed, at least perhaps my mental state along the way may be focused on a more positive outcome.