gratitude
Just days away from the arrival of her first litter, Miss Gracie, the Golden Retriever, is doing far more snoring than retrieving. Burdened with a load of pups soon to worm their way to the daylight she is almost mournfully lethargic. The once ambitious discoverer of all things interesting in the yard and fields is now quite satisfied to find a place suitable for depositing her business so she can return to her place of repine in the cool air conditioned space of the old farm house. Her desire to be close seems to have intensified, but our times of “lap petting” have diminished because of her discomfort and weight. We now spend time massaging her ever widening belly and rubbing her head and neck. Nature will soon take its course and the pups will begin their descent through the birth canal to be welcomed by jubilant hosts and a somewhat relieved mother. We will give thanks one by one and encourage Gracie as she engages her motherly instincts at whelping. Although our knowledge of science has increased with greater understanding of the union of gametes to begin the process that leads to gestation we are still in awe of the way in which each of us are uniquely (and even Divinely) designed. Today we linger a little longer at the place of thanks as we lift our minds in gratitude to the place of our beginnings.
Overcast, but far from gloomy, the verdant green of the fields and forest illuminate the landscape. Squirrels scurry about foraging for nourishment as red tailed hawks glide by with a watchful eye. The chickens pick their way through the pasture adjacent to the stable securing worms and larvae working their way to the drier spots in the otherwise saturated soil. A doe and her fawn scurry back into the cover of the underbrush that encroaches on the field as soon as they detect the human presence, even from afar. Further down the farm lane six wild turkeys prance and scratch their way through the brush seeking their ongoing feast. In the light of the clouded morning the wonder and beauty of nature springs forth and delivers us to a place of awe and wonder. There is joy in the sights to be seen and we are inspired by the opportunity to witness the magnificence of nature’s expression. Gratitude to the creator wells up in our heart and mind as we ponder and give thanks for today’s experience. A grateful heart is the icing that sweetens today’s slice of eternity!
As the eve of summer approaches the swings in temperature seem to slow their pace. From cool crisp evenings to hot and sultry days we are moving to swings of hot and sultry to “not as hot” evenings. Eager for rain fall, the fields begin to display more and more brown. At this time last year we were inundated with rain to the degree that it was hard to keep up with all the growth stimulated by the moisture. Even without the abundance of rain, the grass in the garden beds seems to be enjoying and extra boost in nutrients as it spreads fruitfully to choke out the desired strawberry or cucumber. A little extra time and care is required, but we are thankful that an overabundance of rain has not nurtured the pesky invader further along. With a thankful heart and a tight gripping hand we attack the invader with enthusiasm. Sometimes there are swings in the Parkinson’s experience as well. Seemingly out of nowhere, stiffness will appear prompting resistance in a movement that for nearly a lifetime has been taken for granted. That quick flex of an ankle or foot that prompted an easy turn in direction in times past freezes into an almost locked position, defying the brain’s intention. It’s as though the body is ignoring the brain’s direction as it retorts “you talking to me?” We try replenishing the source of the dopamine that increasingly diminishes deep within the brain and thankfully it is successful most of the time. Exercise, resistant as this body has become to it, adds another element to the store of flexibility from which agility may make its purchase. Gratitude adds fuel for the journey as we amass resources that restore, maintain, and even nurture physical flexibility and agility, one day at a time.
A foggy mist hovered the ground as dawn’s first light peeked from the horizon. As cooler air stirs across the landscape the crispness of the new day offers a welcomed reprieve from the unseasonable temperatures of the past week. Sunlight and warmth have combined to give the broccoli and asparagus daily regeneration as they are collected for the weekly stir fry. Even Gracie the Golden Retriever frolics with abandon across the field, stopping only to inspect the remnants of the passing deer from the night before. Gratitude wells up within as we survey the blessings of life on the farm. Although challenges abound not only to stay ahead of the grass in the garden, but also to stay ahead of the stiffness that would rob us of freedom of movement, we tackle each with the power of thankfulness that we have another day of opportunity. Parkinson’s disease is challenging and by the grace granted us we rise to the challenge with a heart full of gratitude and mind of determination to live each day to the fullest! “This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24
Bright sun glistening through the trees illuminates the view to the outside this morning. A vivid reminder of the wonder of life bursts through to the inside this day. Soon we will meet with a few friends and relatives to entomb the ashes of a dear cousin. The gathering will be a celebration of the memories of this dear soul whose presence at times was bigger than one could imagine life being. Her experiences were expansive and her adventures even greater because of the insatiable hunger for reading she possessed. Her relationship with books and the information and vicarious experiences contained therein was superseded only by her love of friends and family. Burdened with multiple losses throughout her life she seemed to always seek a place of gratitude wherein she could relax as she surveyed the world around her. Today, we dedicate but a fraction of our time to the recollection and praise of one whose life touched ours with great meaning. Today we do not say goodbye for there is no need to say goodbye to one who inspires such great memories that live long in our hearts. Today we say “THANK YOU” for living out your dreams and sharing so much of yourself with others! Our cup of gratitude is overflowing!
Uninspired by the bright sunny day and the lure of the open fields in which she normally frolics, Gracie the Golden sleeps soundly in front of the sofa. Even her usual eagerness to be at the door waiting for my encouragement was absent this morning as I had to wake her for her “get ‘er done” run. The usual eager return to consume her morning bowl of food was abandoned in favor of a nap as though her stroll to the front yard was exhaustingly trying. Her desire to be close has not waned, but her energy seems to have temporarily diminished. Her metabolic response to being pregnant with little Golden embryos is apparent. There are just thirty three more days before we may expect the birth of a slew of precious puppies to welcome the arrival of summer. If they take after their mother or father they will be pretty pups indeed. Meanwhile, we gratefully nurture one who is far more than a pet; one who is a member of the family!
Filled with blossoms and buds the forest touts its regeneration with shades of green and yellow. Cool overcast skies surrender its burdensome water as droplets of rain descend indiscriminately on all that lies below. Some of the rendering penetrates the thirsty soil while some joins the fluid of the running stream. Still other droplets target waiting leaves to be absorbed or to be evaporated into the already moist air that will condense it yet again at another time. The cycle of life sustaining moisture seems healthy in the Piedmont this year and if continued promises a healthy garden this season. Movement relies upon a sufficient supply of a nerve transmitter known as dopamine. That transmitter is produced deep in the brain by what is known as pyramidal cells. Dopamine that is not used up circulates freely to be consumed as needed for smooth and seamless movement. When the pyramidal cells begin to die off, as in Parkinson’s, less and less dopamine is available for consumption during normal activity. Stiffness and a “resting” tremor begin to occur as healthy dopamine levels are depleted. Sometimes a shuffling walk and or uncontrollable movements give evidence of transmitter depletion. Fortunately, there are some substitutes for dopamine that can be taken orally that help to satiate the body’s cry for the seeming life-giving dopamine. Just as water from the well through the strategically placed sprinkler system mimics the spray of rain in nature’s cycle, the ingestion of neural transmitter facilitators refreshes what has been depleted in nature’s supply. Taken with a full dose of gratitude, the substitute facilitator reaches its true potential in a thankful recipient. Rain is nature’s preference, but a hearty dose from the sprinkler system facilitates a bountiful crop as well.
A chill in the spring air engulfs exposed skin even in the light of the morning sun. The call of the wild turkey supersedes the dawning chirps of other nesting birds. The goats and hens are out foraging through the pasture land each seeking to consume what is in their own taste. The deep orange yokes offered up in the laying nests give evidence of the richness of the chicken’s diet. Garden plantings appear to be thriving in the compost mixed soil from last fall’s renderings. The cycle of life once again manifests itself in the glow of the morning here on the farm. Even Gracie, the Golden, has connected with her mate to produce a precious litter of Golden pups by mid June. Grateful for the evidence of life and its renewal, we offer thanks to the Creator in whose hands we seek to see more clearly the ultimate new creation. Although affected by Parkinson’s disease and what now appears as intermittent atrial fibrillation, we are defined by neither. Choices now abound regarding treatment that are intended to render one less affected and more freed to pursue the expressions of the who we are in the image of Who we are made. We choose now to view treatments not as burdens but as opportunities to live out the wonder and purpose for which we were created.
As the rain descends bringing its reviving essence to the waiting garden and fields the sound on the tin roof creates an inviting time for reflection. The anticipation of the cardiac procedure a few days before led this palpating patient through multiples of thoughts about the nature of such an event. I barely know the doctor. I had only met him once, and yet I was about to willingly submit my life into his hands (along with an Anesthesiologist). Why would I do such a thing? I pondered. There was a rational answer that I quickly concluded: This was a potential means to re-setting my heart into normal sinus rhythm, thus eliminating the potential of stroke or heart attack from this source and returning to a life without anticoagulants and their potentially harsh side effects. But, “why this doctor at this medical institution?” I queried. Then I began to fantasize about asking the doctor if he would undertake this procedure on me if he weren’t being paid to do so. I could envision the man laughing in my face, but the question was a serious one to me. I wanted to be more than patient number X. I wanted to be the person who has a medical need to be attended and would be attended because the person attending would welcome the same from me should he have the need and I the experience. Suddenly the whole notion of “love your neighbor as yourself” began to take on a different meaning than I had seen before. The abstraction of that Biblical command suddenly had a very personal meaning that I had forgotten. What if our culture supported Doctors, Dentists, Teachers, Lawyers and even Politicians, who trained to become such simply because the world was full of people who needed their expertise and skill? What if Dentists performed extractions or implants simply because there was a human being who needed that help and the dentist would be secure in knowing that if he or she needed it, someone else would be there to provide it? I don’t possess the formula for resolution to those questions or circumstances and I could think of hundreds more, given the time. I do hold the potential for a step in the direction of a solution. That potential begins with me. Others will answer for themselves (or not) but I must contemplate where I am being called to act in love toward others as I also would need them to act on my behalf. Whether Parkinson’s disease, heart arrhythmia, or a person just needing to feel heard and understood, there are others who yearn to know they would be worth the giving of time, expertise, or understanding. It appears that gratitude is the harvest that the seed of pondering has rendered during a time of doubt and fear.
Clouds hover as they disrupt the rays of the sun. Peering through the window it seems apparent that the temperature is cold and uninviting. A walk outside dismisses the thought of cold as the warmth of the air embraces one’s face. Adjusting to the weather change is inviting, but sometimes challenging. Adjusting to change with Parkinson’s is challenging as well. Each person’s experience is uniquely different, much like each person’s experience with today’s weather is patently their own. Years ago I studied the various manifestations of this neurological disorder known as Parkinson’s disease. It was then part of my job educating pharmacists on the nuances of diminution of pyramidal cells in the brain and the subsequent loss of dopamine, an essential neural transmitter. Then it was clinical and distant, much like the view of the weather from inside the house. Now it is up close and personal and nothing like what my “clinical” version rendered. Thankfully, none of the symptoms are as bad as I had once imagined. Some say “just wait, they will get there.” I think they may or may not be right, but as the symptoms “progress” they will again be experienced within my unique perception. The journey is one of passage through the various stages described as grief. Sometimes I experience anger at the discomfort, pain, stiffness and patent slowness in movement. Other times I press forward in denial that anything could keep ME from accomplishing my heart’s intent. Then again I slump in my chair of despair and shed tears at the loss of agility. The most blissful of times are those embraced by acceptance that challenges may come and go, but there are responses to those challenges that may brighten the day when wrapped as the gift of gratitude for yet another opportunity. No matter the metaphorical condition of weather outside, the joy of life’s experience is uplifted by the level of gratitude and thankfulness nurtured on the inside!