stiffness
As variations in intensity of the rain pelting the tin roof of the old farm house gives evidence of nature’s force, thunder roars in the distance. Prognosticators warned of today’s varied intensities of much needed rain for the region. The newly planted garden is saved from well water and is instead soaked in nature’s bounty from above. Gracie, the pampered Golden nestles her head against the sofa as we wait out the passing deluge. We embrace the sunshine and warmth there from and sometimes lament its loss when the storms arise. However, the storms are as vital a part of nature’s bounty as is the sunshine. Both have their place in the ongoing outpouring of the blessing we call life. As Parkinson’s disease has taken up residence in this current inhabitant of the farmhouse, we have had to exercise the notion of acceptance that varied symptoms are a evidence of the invader’s continued presence. Like shelter from the storm keeps one drier and cooler or warmer, addressing the constellation of untoward symptoms with preparation is note worthy. Sometimes the storms arise quickly and seemingly without warning. At other times one can sense the ominous arrival of the storm as changes in resistance, flexibility, and involuntary movements and even gait emerge. Making hay while the sun shines is a well known farming fact and productivity metaphor and one to be wisely executed in the life of the one desiring to thrive. Response to the blessing of opportunity is best expressed with the embrace of gratitude and action in the direction the opportunity affords. Gratitude, like sunshine, helps one through the bouts of drizzle and deluge that might otherwise wash away rather than nurture. May your garden thrive in the soil of gratitude that is enriched by the down pouring of thankfulness midst the presence of opportunity!
A raven sails low to the ground casting his shadow on the green and golden field just below. The contrast between this bright and sunny day and the recent wind torn and blustery cold rainy one in the recent past is stark. In the quiet and peaceful illumination of this time and place it seems unimaginable that it would ever appear otherwise. Somehow the relative warmth and brightness of this day brings with it a vista of hope that there will be more of these to come. The season of cold, drab, and rainy days will soon be behind us and we will revel for a time in the warmth of the blessing of the sun. As unintended host to the invader known as Parkinson’s disease, the absence or relief of symptoms that overcast otherwise bright and sunny movements and moods is met with the same breath of gratitude as that of a sunny day. Self-pity and moans of pain and struggles with movement subside like the retreat of the ocean waters at low tide. A new friend recently shared a story in which he was expressing a “prayer” of thankfulness for all the illnesses that he “didn’t” have. I couldn’t emotionally or cognitively relate, but nodded in recognition that he had been heard. I find greater comfort and strength in gratitude for what I do have rather than gratitude for what I don’t have. Gratitude for periods of relatively free symptoms, moments of abilities to walk without pain and resistance, and gratitude for medications, health professionals and loved ones that make this hosting journey a bit less lonely, serve as a foundation upon which I find comfort building. Tomorrow the symptomatic weather may change; today, I live in the light and warmth of thankfulness for what I have before me – opportunity! Gratitude fuels my engine of motivation to embrace the windows of opportunity that open to the fresh air of change!
Delighted by the brightness of the sun drenched snow we celebrate the end of the storm that brought the now deep white rendering. We found beauty in the falling white powder and sense of relief when the blowing drifts no longer piled high against the house. Thankful that the furnace functions and the old wood stove serves its purpose to exude heat from the burning goods inside, we find a place of contentment with books and periods of expressions of our gratitude. Knowing challenges of shoveling and making pathways lie ahead, we all the more express our thankfulness for sunshine to brighten the way. Knowing that the beauty of snow may soon easily turn to challenging sheets of ice, we make our plans to tackle the chores that soon demand our presence. Stiffness aches, and a few creaks and cracks of this Parkinson’s possessing participant will have their say, but nonetheless, we determine, shall not deter! Shored with the boots of gratitude and the cloak of thankfulness, mind, body, and snow will be justly moved to make way for tomorrow’s tasks. And this praising participant is all the more thankful for today’s opportunity to face the challenge!
The western sky emits a pinkish hue as the dusting of snow brightens the landscape on this cold winter morning. Another storm is predicted to arrive tomorrow with potentially ominous amounts of snow in its path. The normal chatter of crows in the field is absent as even the birds seem to be hovering close to maintain their warmth. Sunshine is predicted for the day to precede the downpour of snow. We cherish the brightness before the storm. As prepared as we know to be for what may come, we settle in for routine chores and tasks required of residents in the old farm house. Still waking from the shadow of a hard night’s sleep, this unwilling host to Parkinson’s disease contemplates the need for gratitude versus rumination in the presence of stiffness, rigidity, and lumbar pain. Focus on the unwanted only heaps on layers of stress and underlying anger at “my state” whereas intentional focus on thoughts of gratitude lifts me from a place of potential despair to one of peace. Crude and trite thoughts of thankfulness that embrace the notion that “it could be worse” or “look at what others experience” have little foundation upon which this journeyman may rest. Instead, genuine expressions of thankfulness for the victories in challenges past and yet to come serve as fertile soil in which hope may grow and a harvest of gratitude may be gathered. Recognizing this life as a process of living out one’s core of faith rather than the simple experience of an event renders a vista to a whole new landscape. This traveler is discovering the joy of living in the light of gratitude in this journey that is life!
Stillness surrounds the overcast landscape as we witness the dawn of a new day. Gracie the Golden Retriever lies sleeping as close as she can get without being in my lap. In the distance, a crow caws his persistent refrain. All is still and calm as it appears that not even a vehicle has passed by. This first day of a new year has brought with it an opportunity for reflection. Challenges have been abundant and many have led to opportunities. Still others have necessitated change and adaptation to a “new normal” for this gradually accepting host of Parkinson’s disease. Although we have made friends with the diagnosis and reality of this disease, we cannot fully embrace it as we are yet to discover the unique way in which it will work its way through this also unique human inhabitant. We have shed tears, moved with a slowness that tries patience, endured penetrating pain. We have also enjoyed travel, legalized a lasting relationship, discovered more genetic background, and learned the joy of seeing families cherish their newly acquired puppies. Contributing time, energy, and heartfelt love with several ministries at church has been the spark of a sustained blessing that gives encouragement at each involvement. Gratitude now shores the pathway upon which we plan our moves forward in this new day. Thankfulness brightens the window through which we reflect upon from where we’ve come and step with hope into what is to be discovered!
Bright sunshine blazed through the nearly barren trees as the sun rose on this frosty morning. Lying randomly beneath the huge tree in the front yard are pecans ready to be collected, dried, and stored. The task began several days ago as we made our path from the outside perimeter to the inner core near the tree. Several bags were filled before we made a single round, so many more remain for today’s harvest. One of the several nearby squirrels has also found her way to the abundant harvest of delicious nuts. The quite ample supply gives assurance there are more than enough to share. The simple act of harvest, though challenging to this stiff Parkinson’s affected back, is a welcomed retreat from the seemingly unavoidable news reports of terror, and political and religious strife. Grasping each exposed pecan nut from its protective outer shell in which it matured affords an opportunity to express thanks for this fine harvest that will be shared over the coming season. An escape from the complex world around us into the seemingly simple world of collecting the gift of harvest brings with it great joy through which gratitude gains its opportunity for expression. The germination and development under various climate conditions of this gift of nature is far from simple, but its rendering enables for us a simple act of harvest. May you find within the complexity of your day that special chance to give thanks for the harvest before you, in whatever form it may take!
The tarnished reddish brown box seemed to burst at the seams as my cousin Joyce handed it to me to place on the table. She had already perused the old photographs and news clippings just a few days before. These remnants from our cousin Joan’s collection promised to be pieces of cherished history from both the Millner and Gourley families. Although afternoons are not the brightest time for this reluctant participant in Parkinson’s stiffness and rigidity, it all seemed to be less bothersome as we both reveled at the sights before us. Many never before seen (by us) photographs were giving us a glimpse of a place and time one hundred years ago. Her dad was the youngest of the clan of ten children and my dad was the oldest. Then, there were all those kids in between who stood with bright smiles behind their mother and father and grandfather Millner. Deeper in the pile through which we searched was a portrait of our great grandfather, taken sometime near the turn of the last century. With hearts filled with gratitude for this opportunity to visually touch base with a part of our family history, we made our plans to scan all of the most significant photos into a file to electronically share with all the cousins that may want to have a remnant of points in time of generations past. Thankfulness provides such wonderful substance to memories past and those being made.
Cool crisp air embraced the bright and sunny morning that this reluctant participant with Parkinson’s had designated as house cleaning day. Vinyl siding now encases the old farm house and sparkles a bright white most of the year. Summer warmth and humidity in the presence of reduced direct sunlight on the north side serve as a rich foundation for the growth of mold and mildew. Armed with a bucket of water and bleach along with a long handled brush and water hose, this determined cleaning warrior commenced the battle of the mold. Tackling one section at a time starting from the top, the bleach soaked brush was guided up and down, then side to side. A rinse with the hose quickly uncovered spots that needed another application from the cleaning warrior to render the section a sparkling white. Section by section, strip by strip, the process was repeated again and again. Aching joints and stiffened muscles seemed to all coalesce at the eighty percent complete point for that side of the house. The real battle then began. It was no longer the battle of me versus the mold, it was the battle between the “I can’t do this anymore” me and the “just one more section” me. The “just one more section” warrior won out to complete what had been set as the goal for the cleaning. As each stroke in the “me” battle was delivered with determination a grateful heart noticed what appeared to be a breakthrough in the joint pain and stiffness. Both pests were still present, but their metaphorical barking was not as loud. Thankfulness became the engine that lifted each stroke as the last intended section was complete. The house cleaning set out for completion had been accomplished and a grateful heart embraced this warrior in a restful reprieve.
As I peer through the windows at the green, yellow, and brown toned leaves flapping in the autumn breeze, I am today remembering those same leaves as vibrant green in the spring and summer. I recall that when a child my shoes, shirt, and long pants were shed for shorts as soon as school was out for that season. Those seemingly restrictive items of clothing were used only for Sunday school and special occasions. Autumn meant a loss of freedom to wander the farm and the woodlands unrestricted by garments and need for warmth from the cooling air. Now far from those days of childhood the feelings of loss try to insinuate themselves as the overcast skies prompt an apparent gloom on the yellowing autumn landscape. Parkinson’s disease has brought with it symptoms of stiffness and movement restrictions that now being experienced in the autumn add to those feelings of loss of freedom. A seemingly easy task for which I volunteered yesterday turned into a major physical challenge that was taxing yet a blessing and joy as those for whom the service was rendered received great joy. The childhood experience became less and less an issue as I moved on to different tasks with school and life on the farm. I learned that those tasks were of no less value (to me or to others), just different. In this autumn, here and now, I am grateful for the experience that taught me that what I am able to accomplish now has no less value. It is just different. Tasks now may require a different accommodation than before. Chores may take a bit longer than previous times. As I ponder the things yet to be done I embrace those thoughts with a thankful heart that fills with joy.
She sits by the window and watches as the ravens prance in the open field, consuming the occasional worm or creature driven to the soil’s surface by the recent deluge from days of rain. Readjusting her position to view another field, Gracie the Golden lets loose a low grade groan as she expresses herself about the goings on outside. Her run in the early morning had been short as she wanted not to miss out on the fresh dish of food she has become accustomed to as waiting for her return inside. Gracie sat eagerly as she peered in through the glass on the door and Sebastian the barn cat rubbed himself gingerly around the porch bench as he “meowed” his desire for a morning morsel as well. Cawing crows, a meowing cat, and a restless retriever are welcomed participants in the celebration of a new morning. Although stiffness is a seemingly constant companion to this reluctant participant in Parkinson’s disease, we find movement and stretching and bending and twisting to accommodate doors, the dog, the dish and the needs of others brings about an unloosing of flexibility. A cloud of otherwise dreaded challenge is lifted by the light of gratitude that arises as we reflect on the opportunities that lie ahead for today’s unraveling of possibilities. Thankful for shelter, people, and other creatures to love, this somewhat stiff but willing participant steps onto the stage of today’s production.