PD
The vista is obscured by the steady falling rain. There is a stark contrast between today’s experience of chilling cold weather under overburdened, rain rendering clouds and the adventure of the last ten days under warm sunshine illuminating brightly lit seas and shores. Blue seas and skies greeted us each day as we traveled the Eastern Caribbean to the shores of Saint Thomas and Saint Maarten. Apprehension that PD would hamper the joy of the experience was allayed as we simply struck out in faith that walking and new adventures would be achieved. Miles of walking was ultimately accomplished, some with limps, some with a cane, and some with the ankle brace. The pinnacle experience was trekking through the streets, beaches and boardwalk of Saint Maarten on a Segway. Apprehension clouded the preparation with helmet, elbow and knee pads prior to the Segway journey. Persevering, we followed the instructor’s lead and mounted the two wheeled machine, left foot first and then the right. Surprisingly balanced, we practiced forward movement, stopping (leaning backwards, ever so slightly) and turning from right to left. Soon we were off in single file through the shore and shop lined streets of that beautiful Caribbean island. Suddenly the thrill of a youthful new experience emerged as we slipped by pedestrians and maneuvered around fountains and past sidewalk cafes. What had seemed a remote possibility, just days before, was now a blossoming reality that infused aching calf muscles as we approached our first rest stop. Soon we were back on the modest two wheeler as we zoomed once again across the beach and onto pathways that took us back to our starting place. Energized and muscle strained, we sailed and walked with gratitude the long distance back to the ship that was home for the next few days. Trepidation had turned to joy as perseverance and faith undergirded the journey that morning. A grateful heart engulfed the afternoon and evening as we greeted and dined with new found friends aboard the ship. Now, even the memory brightens an otherwise cold and dreary day making way for sunshine in my mind’s eye with each thankful step!
The church was bustling with family and friends greeting one another in anticipation of the wedding for which everyone had arrived midst the passing shower. Two delightful days had been spent with Ray’s brother and his wife in central Connecticut and we now were focusing on the union of their cousin’s daughter with a “fine British chap” she had met in college. Beside me was Aunt Sarah, the reigning matriarch of the family clan. We had visited with her Just the day before in the retirement community in which she lives unassisted and independent at a stunning ninety three years of age. Spry and quick witted, this avid reader and former nurse exudes warmth and caring as she surveys the plethora of relatives gathered for this nuptial celebration. Soon the ceremony concluded its intended purpose and the newlyweds were off for photographs and preparation for the giant reception about to unfold at the lake in northwestern Connecticut. Hugs, kisses, and giant handshakes were exchanged with multiples of near and distant relatives as the musical dinner celebration began. The stiffness of PD tried to take over, but dogged determination fought it at every turn. As I looked at the then bustling dance floor, there was Aunt Sarah, hand raised and reaching for the sky as she moved to the rhythm of the beat. As I witnessed her celebration of life and love I gave thanks for sharing these moments with those lovely people and for the joy that life has to offer. Looking past age and physical challenges, one may find the substance upon which a rich life is lived – LOVE. The newlyweds were beginning their celebration of love in a grand form and we were grateful that they shared it so beautifully with so many!
White patches dot the landscape as remnants of the last snow storm remind us that winter is not yet over. Fog permeates the field of vision as cold snow and earth collide with warmer moist air moving through our region. Predictions of spring like temperatures squeezing out rain are followed with those of sub-freezing climes for the following week. As nature behaves as is her way we attempt to keep the small environment in which we live steady in our preferred way. We cannot bring on summer in the outside environment, but with the help of petroleum and dried wood we can create a comfortable space in which the ravages of winter are not present. As PD symptoms begin to ratchet their winter like presence, intensifying pain, stiffness, and tremor, we know that we cannot as yet eliminate the cause. We have made friends with this physiological season in which we live, but we also strive to create an environment in which those “seasonal” challenges do not become the rule. Gratefully, medication and exercise provide the fuel that helps to moderate the environment making the “living” space more inviting. Maintaining a mind embraced with thankfulness enables it to look beyond the symptoms of constraint into the field of hope that is a new season. May the season in which you reside be one that brings hope embraced in the arms of gratitude.
The ache was becoming more and more intense. Turning from side to side and then on the back offered only momentary relief. It seemed useless to stay in bed any longer since the pain in the lumbar was not relenting and no place was offering a respite. This experience seems to be arising as the norm. Thoughts run rampantly to a place that questions what I might have done that caused this now common occurrence. PD, age, a lumbar cyst or any other number of things may be behind the throb, but nothing that I can recall doing shows me a direct link. In the Gospel of John, chapter 9, the disciples ask Jesus as they happen by a blind man Jesus will soon heal whether the man or his parents have sinned, causing the blindness. Jesus surprised them with His response; “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” Gratitude fills my heart that opportunities exist to emerge from the bed and “walk off” the discomfort. Thankfulness that grace is sufficient to free me from the throws of self-deceptive belief (and action) that I can always have it my way permeates my thoughts. The pain may not completely go away but the burden of self-reliance and determination, when surrendered, leads to a “heart” healing that is the victory. Gratitude outweighs the pain and lifts the heart to a higher place when touching that place of surrender!
Relieved to be safely away from the squeezed quarters of the “jumbo” jet that had been what seemed like our cramped nest for seven hours, we made our way slowly through customs at Rome’s Leonardo daVinci airport. Just outside the exit was waiting the friendly and chatty tour guide who directed us to the luggage collection area. We were told where to meet the group some forty five minutes later for our bus guided tour through the historic sites of Rome with a brief stop at Vatican City. With our body clock still lingering at 3:00am, the 9:00am rendezvous in Rome called for a cup of freshly brewed Italian coffee. Soon we were aboard the bus approaching the ancient city of Rome that we had visited the first time some thirty years before. Whisking by the Baths of Caracalla where we had seen the opera Tosca on a previous visit, then to the road leading to the catacombs and the Apian Way leading to Naples, we were given a glimpse of the Coliseum. With a ninety minute stop at the Vatican, we were thankful for an opportunity to grab a snack and visit a few shops. We had toured the Vatican before and were grateful since the lines on this day’s arrival were showing to deliver a two hour wait for entry. Safely back in the bus after another challenging walk, we were promptly delivered to our embarkation port at Civitavecchia. As we approached our cabin door with key in hand we were grateful that our luggage was waiting there for us to unpack it. Looking out from our balcony as our ship traveled south along the coast of Italy we were filled with awe and gratitude for a safe journey and the opportunity to be visiting places we had never seen before. Sore and throbbing, this possessor of PD was filled with thankfulness for another opportunity at a day filled with challenges accomplished.
The long anticipated journey to Europe and ship excursion through the Aegean is over. The return trip was exhaustingly long, but a few hours sleep is getting us back in the routine that has previously sustained us. A broken brace for the somewhat atrophied leg and foot of this PD participant necessitated having to forego the self-possessed desire to do the return trip walking through seemingly miles of meandering airport and customs pathways and surrender to the aid of ship and airport persons equipped with wheel chairs and alternate airport pathways. This heart is filled with gratitude for all those who helped, but especially the gentleman in Philadelphia, who shared with us his joy of travel and the journeys to many of the places we had visited. Thanks to his help, we were whisked from our arrival gate, through Customs, to baggage claim, and then through the process of rechecking all for the last flight home. Sore, throbbing, and sleepy, we arrived home thanks to Joy, and shared some recollections of our inspiring journey before retiring to some much needed rest. Gratitude was the pillow upon which our head filled with cherished moments lay for a renewing repose.
Silence is broken by the rhythmic whirl of the ceiling fan as it helps to keep the air stirring in the old farm house. The pup, having delivered her gift to the grassy meadow, lies curled beneath the coffee table as she visits her morning nap. Here in the confines of my childhood dwelling with scores of lifelong relics denoting adventures and experiences building and growing family and relationship, I reflect upon the wonders and joys that have filled our lives. Feelings of grief have invaded recently prompting tearful and emotional moments that seem to come out of the blue. Clinically, depletion of dopamine in the brain can prompt and or exacerbate what would otherwise be normal responses to life changes. Past reactions would have been to “suck it up” and move on to just “get over it” and “chalk it up” as a part of life. A conscious decision to “let it happen” has been so very freeing. The recent TV news report of children from Syria now working as field hands in Lebanon ignited a flood gate of tearful emotions. A sort of purge springs forth in response to injustice, to loss, or to tragedy. A similar experience was had after the initial diagnosis of PD some years ago. The stages of grief have been real and the emotional healing after these stages has been real as well. Today, in the quiet of this moment, I reflect with gratitude and joy upon the experiences and relationships that this explorer calls life. Thankfulness is the cup from which this wanderer quenches his thirst. The cup over flows today!
By Cathy Garrott
Each day we all must face the unknown. We never know what might happen that will suddenly turn our world up-side-down. Just as my diagnosis of PD came totally out of the blue (when I had been assured it was something else) turning my life into daily struggles I never expected, I am reminded that there are other things that could do the same … stroke, cancer, death of a loved one, dissolution of a marriage, etc. There are all sorts of “dragons” that could rear their ugly heads and bring chaos into my life.
The challenges I must deal with every day because of PD pale in the light of the suffering that others are facing each day. I can’t let one victory cause me to forget the challenge that is still there, but when I realize that victory is possible I am to pursue it with all that is within me to do so! I must never assume that I will be able to go through life without facing challenges of one sort or another. I must forget what is behind and not be hindered by what is no longer available to me, but press forward to what is ahead … to do my best to win the battle laid out for me.
By Cathy Garrott:
Last week I received a letter from a dear friend in England telling me that her younger sister had just been diagnosed with PD. She said the whole family is somewhat in shock and struggling to grasp what this means for the future. Her letter was somewhat of a cry for me to help put some normality back into their lives, to offer some hope that everything is going to be alright and they can get back to life as they have known it before now. Unfortunately I do not have the power to do that, only God can do that kind of thing. But I can be used by Him as one who can come along side to exhort, encourage, urge, and comfort … a kind of paraclete with skin on.
I spent several hours pouring my heart out to her in an 8 page letter. I did not want to say “Welcome aboard the PD train of life” because I don’t think anyone would find a “welcome” comforting at this time in their life. In fact, I have yet to meet someone with PD who thought of this as a welcome diagnosis when they received it. I shared with my friend the myriad of feelings and emotions that bombarded my heart and mind when I was first diagnosed … denial, anxiety, grief, anger, pity, and more. I told her that I struggle with it mentally, emotionally, and physically every day. Laying my heart open for her to see what her sister is probably going through mentally, I tried to be as honest and open with her as I felt she could handle at this point. Her sister’s caregivers are going to need to understand what is going on in HER mind and help her deal with things as SHE is perceiving them. They are going to need to be a paraclete for this sister, offering hope in times of despair.
Listing several websites that will be of help, I encouraged her to share my letter with her sister and the rest of the entire family … so that they will be good caregivers from the get-go. We need to be surrounded by people who offer us understanding and hope … whether we have PD or not! We need people around us who will encourage us to do all that we are able, and help us see how much that is.
According to Webster, Paraclete is a Latin word that was used by the early church to mean “HOLY SPIRIT.” (The reference for this word is found in John 14:16, 26; 15:26; 16:7.) It was taken from the Greek noun parakletos” – which means literally “advocate, intercessor” and from the Greek verb parakalein which means “to invoke.” These 2 Greek words come from the word stem parakaleo which means “I exhort, I encourage, I urge, I comfort.”
Today the weather changed. A refreshing cool wind blew from the northwest scattering multicolored leaves about the lawn. Maple tree seeds ample enough to dot the surface of the carport spread briskly in the gusts of wind. The farm animals seemed to revel in the freshness of the day as goats bantered about with each other and the chickens enjoyed the feast of worms abundantly brought to the surface by the previous day’s rain and their ample pick of seeds from the winds of change. The shifting angle of the earth’s rotation signals the passing of summer into autumn and with it nature’s adaptation in its changing environment. As the natural landscape of the farmland adjusts to the evolving temperature and light upon its surface, so too do our bodies react to change. Most of that change is a part of the normal cycle of adaptation but occasionally, that change is exacerbated by dis-ease. Stiffness, involuntary (non-intended) movement and enhanced pain are often uninvited visitors to the PD person’s visceral dwelling. One sometimes attributes that visitor’s overextended stay to the cooling weather conditions, but then is reminded that those same visitors arrived during warmer times as well. Perhaps uninvited disease symptoms are better adapted to or tolerated in the sunshine of the spring and summer as one is anticipating the freedom of outdoor adventures. Recognizing the guests for who they are gives clarity in preparation for their temporary accommodation with a thankful heart of celebration at their ultimate departure! Thankfulness is an antidote to otherwise distracting intrusions.