The western sky emits a pinkish hue as the dusting of snow brightens the landscape on this cold winter morning. Another storm is predicted to arrive tomorrow with potentially ominous amounts of snow in its path. The normal chatter of crows in the field is absent as even the birds seem to be hovering close to maintain their warmth. Sunshine is predicted for the day to precede the downpour of snow. We cherish the brightness before the storm. As prepared as we know to be for what may come, we settle in for routine chores and tasks required of residents in the old farm house. Still waking from the shadow of a hard night’s sleep, this unwilling host to Parkinson’s disease contemplates the need for gratitude versus rumination in the presence of stiffness, rigidity, and lumbar pain. Focus on the unwanted only heaps on layers of stress and underlying anger at “my state” whereas intentional focus on thoughts of gratitude lifts me from a place of potential despair to one of peace. Crude and trite thoughts of thankfulness that embrace the notion that “it could be worse” or “look at what others experience” have little foundation upon which this journeyman may rest. Instead, genuine expressions of thankfulness for the victories in challenges past and yet to come serve as fertile soil in which hope may grow and a harvest of gratitude may be gathered. Recognizing this life as a process of living out one’s core of faith rather than the simple experience of an event renders a vista to a whole new landscape. This traveler is discovering the joy of living in the light of gratitude in this journey that is life!
Relieved of her need to search the grounds for just the right spot, Gracie the Golden now curls tightly on the edge of her bed. Nothing seems to distract her from her determination to sleep away this cold but sunny morning. She lives in her own reality and will emerge in a few hours for some petting and coveted “lap time” before consuming her morning ration of special nutrition. Having cleared away the dishes, stoked the old stove with wood, and checked for recent emails, this reluctant “retiree” who otherwise detests perceived limiting labels settles in for some reading and writing time. Gracie and I both seem to enjoy each of our own versions of reality. I do not presume to interpret hers as she seems to thrive well in her own without regard for the nature of mine. There seems so much I wish to accomplish and I chip away at it daily, getting closer to the fulfillment of some ambitions and barely scratching the surface of others. Expressions of gratitude help to ward off the propensity to look at what I have yet to do as failure and keeps in perspective that what has already been done is success! Success comes in various ways and at numerous times and often eludes recognition. Gathering the logs for insertion into the fired up wood stove counts as a gathering success. Inserting the logs as we stoke the flames is a warming success. Sitting comfortably in the warmth of the now heated room as I write and read is the result of a successful journey thus far. The removal of ashes in a few days will mark a successful journey over the past couple of weeks of igniting and maintaining warmth in this place called home. The multiples of successes that have been obtained along this journey are heaped now into the giant cup of gratitude from which we sip a fresh brew of motivation and inspiration for the next opportunity to discover success. Success is a part of the journey that seems to grow in the showers of gratitude that recognize it along the way.
The old wood stove clanks as the newly inserted wood begins to crackle as flames consume it. Coals remaining from the well stoked stove the evening before serve as a thrifty ignition for the wood generously added this morning. The den becomes cozy and warm from the heat off the cast iron container connected to the chimney. A warm place of quiet and solitude is at our command as we stretch out the legs upon the recliner. On the coldest morning so far this year, the blessing of warmth and comfort inside serves as a stark contrast to the frigid realm outdoors. Bright morning sun peeks its way through the trees on the hillside to the east and conveys an illusion of warmth. Quiet now from the hectic bustle of the last few weeks of travel and chores, this host to Parkinson’s allows himself the pleasure of a welcomed change as he reflects upon the challenges, the victories, and the joys of the last full month. A warm crackle from the old wood stove sparks the heart with thoughts of gratitude for time with family, some tasks accomplished, and the blessing of a safe harbor to moor this sometimes wandering vessel. A thankful heart serves as an anchor to secure this wanderer in the embrace of the sea that gives life.
Stillness surrounds the overcast landscape as we witness the dawn of a new day. Gracie the Golden Retriever lies sleeping as close as she can get without being in my lap. In the distance, a crow caws his persistent refrain. All is still and calm as it appears that not even a vehicle has passed by. This first day of a new year has brought with it an opportunity for reflection. Challenges have been abundant and many have led to opportunities. Still others have necessitated change and adaptation to a “new normal” for this gradually accepting host of Parkinson’s disease. Although we have made friends with the diagnosis and reality of this disease, we cannot fully embrace it as we are yet to discover the unique way in which it will work its way through this also unique human inhabitant. We have shed tears, moved with a slowness that tries patience, endured penetrating pain. We have also enjoyed travel, legalized a lasting relationship, discovered more genetic background, and learned the joy of seeing families cherish their newly acquired puppies. Contributing time, energy, and heartfelt love with several ministries at church has been the spark of a sustained blessing that gives encouragement at each involvement. Gratitude now shores the pathway upon which we plan our moves forward in this new day. Thankfulness brightens the window through which we reflect upon from where we’ve come and step with hope into what is to be discovered!
A steady drizzle descends over the landscape this unusually warm December morning as we strive to assimilate again to our home environment. We arrived last evening after a daunting drive from South Florida to the outrageously eager welcome from Gracie the Golden and the embrace of our own bed. The task of preparing a property for market after years of passive neglect had taken virtually all our strength and energy over the past few weeks and this unwilling host to Parkinson’s disease was exhaustingly ready for the return home. Daily sorting through a massive “to do” list and having to take frequent physical relief breaks while lamenting the still “not done” list began to heap the weight of frustration upon the physical resistance. The handy skills of a friend hired to complete some of the work offered pleasant hope that all would be accomplished in the allotted time. Willing hearted sons with limited time available from work and family served to advance the accomplishments as well. A granddaughter’s desire to be of help proved to be a generous blessing and a daughter’s welcoming accommodation added to the list of things for which we are thankful. Although we did not fully accomplish the desired outcome while there, we are grateful that we have scheduled the work for completion. Gratitude has been the fuel that ignited the understanding that physical limitations fail to define the journey, but rather serve as guideposts for the path we choose.
Armed with an initial list of chores to complete, this unwilling host to Parkinson’s set out to accomplish what seemed to be the impossible. A house purchased ten years ago, intended to be an income investment, has grown to be a financial burden and needs to be prepared for market. Scrubbing, painting, repairing, and replacing fixtures, walls, some ceilings and small appliances is challenging even to the fully functioning. With the help of a friend, headway has been made and what was at one point seemingly impossible has moved to the realm of hopeful. Still challenged by pain and physical resistance, we tackle what we can and allow time for relief before assuming the tackle position again. A hearty celebration of my granddaughter’s first birthday with many family members present filled the heart of this servant of the otherwise mundane tasks that take every ounce of physically resistant energy. Grateful for what has been accomplished and hopeful for what is yet to come, we take each and every moment as it arrives. With time nipping at our heels, we keep our sights focused on thankfulness.
A semi-restless sleep was abruptly interrupted by the sound of the alarm. Recollection rushed to the forefront as I slowly sat up to insert my feet into the waiting slippers. I recalled that the “Breakfast Club” was first on the agenda for today as I swallowed my first round of daily medication, flipped on the coffee maker and opened the door for Gracie to take her run. Sebastian the cat began meowing impatiently as he seemed to be calling forth his morning morsels from his perch on the porch. A dip into his bag of mix and a quick dump into his bowl left him devouring his crunchy feast. Five in the morning seemed to have arrived abruptly as the rush was now on for a shower and quick sip of coffee before making the trek to the church kitchen to begin the six in the morning Sunday preparation of a breakfast for more than fifty regular partakers who count on this meal to sustain themselves. Still shaking off the remnants of sleep my mind began rushing forward with the order of preparation now in store. The Sextant had been on vacation over the preceding holiday and the usual pot of coffee to be turned on for brew did not greet us as we entered the fellowship hall and adjoining kitchen. A frantic search through all the cupboards yielded not a single ground of coffee. Not being deterred, the team assembled to deliver the sustenance that morning. A quick run to a local fast food establishment with the intent to purchase a large container of coffee, proved nonproductive as the business was not open that early on Sunday morning. Our focus shifted quickly from what we “didn’t have” to what we “did have”. Sausage, biscuits, grits, eggs, and juice were all soon placed on the waiting trays as the grateful participants sidestepped the absence of coffee in those early hours of Sunday morning. Forty eight people experienced a warm and hearty meal with some taking the option of seconds in the form of a sausage biscuit. Even in the absence of the usual caffeine stimulant, gratitude suffered not a single blow as we all shared in the fellowship of giving and receiving that Sunday morning.
The clouds cast a shadow over the landscape as a light but steady drizzle seemed to permeate the air. The day’s agenda was barren of dedicated community chores or tasks. Free from some pain this reluctant Parkinson’s participant had been experiencing earlier in the week, a leisurely morning was engaged catching up on some reading and reflecting. In the still quiet of the moment a glance at a wall of pictures ignited an almost combustible explosion of memories. Cherished moments of roasting hot dogs with my older sons near the farm pond in North Carolina; Christmas dinner with Mom, my sister and all the kids in our Philadelphia row house; a birthday celebration nineteen years ago in rural Pennsylvania, and our children on the beach near our Connecticut home were images that coalesced in an erupting fountain of thankfulness. The richness of blessings we have experienced came rushing to my mind like a freight train loaded with grains of memories. As I paused in these moments of reflection I recalled that never once did the presence of worry, fear, or doubt regarding our lives serve to advance or propel us toward the blessing of family in which we lived. We lived, loved and worked toward a foundation of wholeness in which each of our lives could thrive and mature. Perfection was never achieved, nor was it sought. However, today’s reflection displays characters perfectly suited for their roles even as the stage is lighted for the next experience.
Bright sunshine blazed through the nearly barren trees as the sun rose on this frosty morning. Lying randomly beneath the huge tree in the front yard are pecans ready to be collected, dried, and stored. The task began several days ago as we made our path from the outside perimeter to the inner core near the tree. Several bags were filled before we made a single round, so many more remain for today’s harvest. One of the several nearby squirrels has also found her way to the abundant harvest of delicious nuts. The quite ample supply gives assurance there are more than enough to share. The simple act of harvest, though challenging to this stiff Parkinson’s affected back, is a welcomed retreat from the seemingly unavoidable news reports of terror, and political and religious strife. Grasping each exposed pecan nut from its protective outer shell in which it matured affords an opportunity to express thanks for this fine harvest that will be shared over the coming season. An escape from the complex world around us into the seemingly simple world of collecting the gift of harvest brings with it great joy through which gratitude gains its opportunity for expression. The germination and development under various climate conditions of this gift of nature is far from simple, but its rendering enables for us a simple act of harvest. May you find within the complexity of your day that special chance to give thanks for the harvest before you, in whatever form it may take!
We arrived at the enormous courthouse and after asking for directions to our assigned destination, we approached courtroom 999. A uniformed guard took our “notice of hearing” paper to determine its accuracy with his document. As he checked off our presence on his list of hearings, he handed us our document and instructed us to wait until our name was called. Soon the kinship with my son would be sealed as a legal one as his adoption by me became reality. As we waited, my mind wandered back to that morning in May of 1985 as we anxiously watched the sun rise over Long Island Sound before making the drive to the airport in New York. We watched as the plane made its way to the arrival gate and my heart raced faster as the woman escorting our son on his journey from Calcutta to his new home in Connecticut with two who could love him like no others. As we lifted him from that hand woven basket that had been his travel crib and looked into that angelic sleeping face the bond of love was sealed. Suddenly, we were back from the past as the clerk called our name for the hearing to begin. The judge stated the petition of “Millner to adopt adult Jahan Garassino” would begin. The hearing was under way. Judge to Jahan: “Are you older than twelve and do you consent to being adopted?” The thirty year old six foot one and two hundred plus pound man responded; “yes”. The judge turned to me and asked: “Do you wish to adopt this man?” I responded with a resounding “absolutely!” The judge then stated; “petition is granted.” Finally, what was accomplished in my heart thirty years ago that morning in May was legally acknowledged that fourth day of November in 2015. With arms of gratitude I hugged my son and whispered “I love you” through the welling of thankful tears. Since the first day I saw him he has been my son. Now the legal designation has caught up with the position of my heart.
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