parkinson’s
The rising sun was a faint glow peeking through the trees on the eastern horizon and the moon sparkled brightly in the western sky as the pup engaged her early morning run. Still cool, the crisp morning sparked thoughts of the previous day’s shocking news. Flooded with memories of her always welcoming smile and her effervescing personality, my mind went immediately to sadness at the loss of this dear friend to cancer. The grief that overwhelmed the day before came rushing back like a raging torrent. I recalled the loss of another dear friend just the year before and the passing of a beloved cousin and suddenly the sparkling morning was blurred by a river of tears. Along with the stream of tears began to emerge thoughts of gratitude. Gratitude for the opportunity to have known such inspiring and loving people began to occupy my mind. As I uttered words of thankfulness my mind swelled with the joy that comes only in the presence of heartfelt appreciation for having experienced these dear ones in my life. I looked down and the pup was sitting in front of me gazing up as if to say “we can go back inside now.” Grief, Parkinson’s concerns and morning haze began to fade away in the glow of gratitude that came to reside in my thoughts that hour. The two (grief and Parkinson’s) have not departed but they now occupy a smaller space engulfed in the embrace of gratitude. Gratitude is a guest whose welcome is never over stayed. Perhaps it is among the grandest of companions!
Overcast and cooler, the deck this morning is inviting. The puppy and her mother have played in the cool moist grass and Sebastian, the barn cat, has wandered by offering his somewhat aloof greeting. Tasks wait as we enjoy the splendor of the outdoor moments and revel in the gratitude for this time and place. Although movement challenges persist from that visitor called Parkinson’s we continue forward being thankful for the opportunity to press on. Occasionally we are visited by fatigue, persistent pain and resistance to movement. These visitors are sometimes met with anger, sometimes with determination, and at others with tears. Absorbing the beauty of the present moment away from the effects of those nasty visitors renews this heart with wonder, encouragement and gratitude. This place, this day, this view from the deck ignites the fuel that propels us to live to the fullest. May we seek out each day that place where thankfulness washes over us and renews our hearts with gratitude!
She lies on her back with paws curled haphazardly as she sleeps her mid-morning away. Barbara, aka “Babs” is the remaining pup from the litter of Golden Retrievers born from Gracie on June 16. She remains in her birth home until her family (my son, his wife, and his daughter) comes to take her to be theirs in mid-September. In the meanwhile, she is learning how to be an obedient and trustworthy house pet. Gracie has made that challenging at times when outside with Babs pouncing on her, tripping her, and at times flipping her with her nose. The pup is adapting well to being “crate” trained for her early months of development and is learning to sleep through the night without needing attention. Her routine is fast becoming familiar which gives her a strong sense of security in the presence of this world into which she has been born. She, like we who identify as human, thrives in a place of security. Yet, maturity is achieved in its broadest sense when life is lived knowing that security is not a physical place but rather an inward acknowledgement that all is believed to be well. Volumes could be written about the subject of acquiring, experiencing or losing the sense of security, but for now Babs has this “maturing” participant with Parkinson’s leading her in the lessons of a secure life. Teaching her requires discovering how she learns and applying her lessons in her way. Gratitude rules the day when success has been found in teaching her that way!
She’s tired. The pups have literally sucked the energy from her. Yet, this patient and alert golden retriever continues to attend to those three pups that remain until week’s end. As she and I spend time grooming her on the deck she seems to revel in each stroke of the brush through her deep and light golden hair. As the breeze gently blows, she raises her head to inhale scents from the wind that appear to replenish her energy. She lays her head gently on my knee and looks up at me as if to say “all is well.” I am filled with gratitude for the opportunity to be at her side as she has so instinctively fulfilled her role as mother to her delightful pups. For a time, this unwilling participant in Parkinson’s is lost in the presence of thankfulness for nature’s sharing of one of its miracles. Thankful for the opportunity to be moved beyond the confines of a challenged self, I rejoice in the glow of the blessing that is connection with life’s miracles and wonders. The truly joyous self appears to be found in the presence of that which is other than self!
An eerie stillness covers the overcast landscape as if exhausted from the bright sun and humid breezes of the days prior. A bit of sunshine begins to break through the dense foggy barrier as Gracie the Golden surveys the orchard for hints of scents that may be interesting, if not distracting from her mothering duties of late. This stiff Parkinson’s fraught body plops slowly into the new porch swing as it gently pushes itself to stretch and flex its semi-resistant legs. The now six week old pups are foraging their landscape for any remainder of puppy food morsels. Within the thirty minute window from first medication ingestion to the first sip of the day’s caffeine, pups have been fed, Gracie has been indulged, and a thankful caretaker has stretched and embraced the wonder of the day’s gift of life. With a healthy helping of gratitude for the beauty and wonder of today’s light, this partaker of life’s journey prepares his heart and mind for thanks filled navigation!
The sweltering morning heat and humidity engulfs even as we open the door to accomplish some outside chores. Lush and green, the grass seems to sparkle as the dew lingers in the mid-morning shade. Gracie, seemingly delighted to have a puppy reprieve, frolics freely through the field searching out morsels and just the right spot to accomplish nature’s call. As I trek toward the nearly overgrown garden, the trusty canine companion makes her way to join with me as she “oversees” my harvest gathering. Two ripe tomatoes appear to have sustained a rabbit over night, so they are left in place in hopes that already tasted renderings will be sufficient to keep the harvest sharer from the greater goods. Testing the boundaries of this Parkinson’s rigidity, we squat and bend to search out maturing cucumbers for the delightful jars of sweet pickles that enhance sandwiches throughout the winter. Grateful for the harvest, we gather a bag full that has ripened since yesterday. Readjusting to a steady standing position, this thankful taker of the summer’s bounty walks with his ever caring canine companion slowly back to the cool reprieve of the air conditioned old farmhouse. As we put away the small harvest gathering of the morning we express grateful prayers for the opportunities to experience this day’s possibilities.
Dark and overcast, the delivery truck unloaded the drywall in the middle of the driveway. Anxious about the ominous look in the sky and wanting to avoid a wet investment, our neighbor and I began to slowly move the largest pieces into the shelter of the space where it would be used. Previously unaware of the weight of large drywall sheets I strained and inwardly groaned as we moved each piece with the delicacy required to avoid cracking or tearing. After accomplishing approximately ten percent of the task at hand, this reluctant participant in Parkinson’s disease and its attending rigidity and stiffness was aching from head to toe. Anxiety was on the rise as I wondered how I was going to accomplish this seemingly herculean task in a timely fashion. Suddenly a neighbor’s friend arrived to say hello. My compatriot quickly solicited the help of the newly arrived friend and the task that appeared minutes before to be so ominous was complete in short order. Effusive expressions of gratitude were showered verbally upon the two sturdy conveyers of drywall this day. Thankfulness welled up inside as I silently thought of the burden I had been spared by the arrival of helping hands. Though throbbing and sore from the strain exerted already, I am grateful and content that provision was made by the hands of a friend and a stranger. Today’s dose of gratitude shall provide nourishment for days to come!
Fast asleep and seemingly exhausted, Gracie the Golden lies beside my chair peacefully as a reprieve from the voracious appetite of her growing brood of infant canines. The adorable pups, satiated and possessing bulging bellies sleep and dream peaceably in their designated space. A voracious first week’s appetite by the pups inspired their mom to consume at least a third more food than normal. They all rest now, mom regaining her strength and puppies metabolizing and growing to become healthy and heartwarming members of someone’s family in the next few weeks. Just two years ago on the summer’s dawn, Gracie was a bouncing and cuddly fur-ball of a pup who had totally won our hearts from the first day of her arrival. She has become a dear and loving companion who has demonstrated her loyalty and attachment on so many levels. As I watch her sleep and dream I give thanks for the opportunity of sharing the time we’ve had together as companions on this daily journey navigating the path with Parkinson’s. Gratitude is one of the gifts she has inspired and her presence multiplies that gift each day. May you uncover the gift of gratitude today!
As the eve of summer approaches the swings in temperature seem to slow their pace. From cool crisp evenings to hot and sultry days we are moving to swings of hot and sultry to “not as hot” evenings. Eager for rain fall, the fields begin to display more and more brown. At this time last year we were inundated with rain to the degree that it was hard to keep up with all the growth stimulated by the moisture. Even without the abundance of rain, the grass in the garden beds seems to be enjoying and extra boost in nutrients as it spreads fruitfully to choke out the desired strawberry or cucumber. A little extra time and care is required, but we are thankful that an overabundance of rain has not nurtured the pesky invader further along. With a thankful heart and a tight gripping hand we attack the invader with enthusiasm. Sometimes there are swings in the Parkinson’s experience as well. Seemingly out of nowhere, stiffness will appear prompting resistance in a movement that for nearly a lifetime has been taken for granted. That quick flex of an ankle or foot that prompted an easy turn in direction in times past freezes into an almost locked position, defying the brain’s intention. It’s as though the body is ignoring the brain’s direction as it retorts “you talking to me?” We try replenishing the source of the dopamine that increasingly diminishes deep within the brain and thankfully it is successful most of the time. Exercise, resistant as this body has become to it, adds another element to the store of flexibility from which agility may make its purchase. Gratitude adds fuel for the journey as we amass resources that restore, maintain, and even nurture physical flexibility and agility, one day at a time.
Filled with blossoms and buds the forest touts its regeneration with shades of green and yellow. Cool overcast skies surrender its burdensome water as droplets of rain descend indiscriminately on all that lies below. Some of the rendering penetrates the thirsty soil while some joins the fluid of the running stream. Still other droplets target waiting leaves to be absorbed or to be evaporated into the already moist air that will condense it yet again at another time. The cycle of life sustaining moisture seems healthy in the Piedmont this year and if continued promises a healthy garden this season. Movement relies upon a sufficient supply of a nerve transmitter known as dopamine. That transmitter is produced deep in the brain by what is known as pyramidal cells. Dopamine that is not used up circulates freely to be consumed as needed for smooth and seamless movement. When the pyramidal cells begin to die off, as in Parkinson’s, less and less dopamine is available for consumption during normal activity. Stiffness and a “resting” tremor begin to occur as healthy dopamine levels are depleted. Sometimes a shuffling walk and or uncontrollable movements give evidence of transmitter depletion. Fortunately, there are some substitutes for dopamine that can be taken orally that help to satiate the body’s cry for the seeming life-giving dopamine. Just as water from the well through the strategically placed sprinkler system mimics the spray of rain in nature’s cycle, the ingestion of neural transmitter facilitators refreshes what has been depleted in nature’s supply. Taken with a full dose of gratitude, the substitute facilitator reaches its true potential in a thankful recipient. Rain is nature’s preference, but a hearty dose from the sprinkler system facilitates a bountiful crop as well.