gratitude
The glow through the closed blinds was bright as I lay there contemplating the things yet to be done around the farm before winter. Just minutes before I was awakened by nature’s urge and heeded the call. Sleep disturbance is not an unfamiliar visitor to the possessor of Parkinson’s but its visit is nonetheless interruptive of the rest that one so desires for a body neurologically challenged. Nightly visits are routine and usually are not disruptively interruption to a full night’s sleep, but this intruder was determined to gain attention. A field to mow, grass to cut in the yard, repair to an old barn and replacement of a shed’s gutter were intruders that seemed not to respond to “rational” thinking that would have otherwise put them in their place. After what seemed to be an extended period of obsessive time and renewed irritation of painful “pressure points” the only logical alternative seemed to be the one that made this aging codger rise from the sheets and wander into the den recliner for what was hoped to be a finishing evening respite. Irrational thinking had overcome the rational and dopamine depleted neurons seemed to embrace the need to stay wide awake. Upon surrender to wakefulness the yawns began their descent, but time had passed where renewing sleep would become a part of the day’s agenda. Gazing at the rising sun in the east and the setting moon in the west, whispers of thankfulness for the opportunity for another experience of life descended like a blanket of comfort surrounding this now calm recipient. None of the obsessive thoughts will be addressed in today’s agenda, but they will be tucked away in the ultimate “to do” within the next few months. With gratitude for the option of planning the execution of tasks, we prepare for the day at hand.
The rains have gone and the aftermath is a quiet calm and a chilled morning. This possessor of Parkinson’s symptoms experienced some stiffness and discomfort during the deluge but has since been touched with only minor aches and pains that may be as much related to age as to the depletion of dopamine. Today is a celebration. Fourteen years ago a precious gift was given our family in the form of an infant girl to whom her parents gave the name Vanessa. Her loving, bright, and cheerful demeanor coupled with a quick grasp of knowledge about and around her environment has embedded her very being in our hearts. For this precious gift that brightens a room with the sunshine of her heart and personality we give thanks. She reminds us that blessings come into our presence every day in forms that melt our hearts and brighten our lives in ways we never imagined. Every day is a blessing that is brightened by the presence of each grandchild and today’s is grandly illuminated by this gift who celebrates fourteen years!
We were is deep conversation as the person with whom I was interacting sought to understand the dynamics of organizational outcome that were intertwined with commonly shared values that were “played out” in everyday behaviors of employees. Suddenly, the alarm sounded and I emerged to the stark reality that the meaningful and deep conversation in which I was engaged was in fact a dream and that my mind must now engage another real agenda that would embrace the here and now. Pondering the day ahead, soon to be filled with an agenda yet to be fully constructed, I paused to remember those I know and love and to whisper prayers of provision for each as only God knows their deepest needs. In the quiet of the morning and the refreshed cool reprieve from the hot days of summer I give thanks in awe for the experiences shared in life and the opportunities for learning, loving, and living midst the light of God’s love. The remnants of that early morning dream have reignited the pleasure received from having worked within the complexities of organizations designing ways of helping groups understand the uniqueness of their endeavors. As I reveled in uncovering pathways the joy of that unveiling was elevated when the one(s) on the journey discovered where that pathway was leading him (them). Where there had once been a dimly lit existence there then emerged upon discovery a glowing array of potential pathways on the journey to a cherished destination. Truly, the day has been filled with the light of gratitude that has colored each and every step. Even those steps tinted with PD have been exercised in the light of thankfulness and expressed in the glow of gratitude!
The western sky was ablaze with the setting sun peeking through the covey of storm clouds passing by. We stood in front of the restaurant as we waited for the rest of the family who were near to arrive and took in the beauty of that early evening display of nature’s artistry. Seventy years of life was the cause of celebration as the family gathered inside a private room in that Southside Virginia restaurant that evening. Thrilled that pain had chosen not to visit in several days, this possessor of Parkinson’s took in the sight of each family member attending this celebration with eyes filled with gratitude for their presence. Babies glowing in the light of adult attention and adults sharing memories from days gone by that can only touch the surface of a lifetime of recollection filled the room with the warmth of familiarity and appreciation. I don’t remember that Sunday in 1946 when I made the way from my mother’s womb to her arms, but I am so thankful for the moments of experiencing life that have touched my heart and memory, sparking the flame of thankfulness for the union of gametes that joined to offer up the fortunate soul I experience as me. The kaleidoscope of human emotions is set free in the experiences that have blessed the past seventy years and I am forever grateful that faith, hope, and love have lighted the pathway, even during the times when my eyes were closed. That pathway of possibilities reveals itself in the glow of gratitude ignited by those three remaining life support systems; faith, hope, love! By the grace of God, there seems to be even more of the pathway to discover!
As the alarm sounded the mental struggle began identifying the location somewhere between deep REM sleep and the darkness surrounding the space in the room where this peacefully sleeping possessor of Parkinson’s was enjoying pain free moments of restful bliss. The day, the duties, the persons for whom I pray all rushed forth as I reached down to gently slide the slippers over my feet. Soon the first noticed rush of rain showered down on the tin roof of the old farmhouse engulfing us in sound like the touch of a blanket wrapped securely in the still of the night. Gracie, the Golden, was prancing to exit into the early morning quiet and the spray of the passing shower. Set free for the moment, she pranced ever so gently to her desired spot just long enough to free her evening collection and pounce back to the covered porch awaiting her return. Daybreak is coming later now as we enter the first full day of autumn, and rain clouds hovering add to the diminished specter of sunlight in the eastern sky. Soon the full dose of morning medication is consumed and the first cup of coffee is brewed. The view from the Great Room provides a peaceful backdrop to the prayers of thanksgiving that are being offered up for the blessings received and the gratitude for those yet to come. Grace has made its way to this house of hope and we celebrate the reality of its presence. Another day is about to unfold!
This morning’s pre-dawn glow was a hazy and foggy reminder that these cooler days do not arrive without evidence that change is underway. There is often physical resistance to weather changes that emerges as stiffness, joint and muscle aches or other symptoms lumped in the basket of descriptors called aging. This aging possessor of PD symptoms just a few weeks ago was experiencing seemingly unbearable aches and pains in his back and legs. At its height, even crawling into bed was accompanied by involuntary moans and cries for Divine intervention. That night was one of relative restoration wherein muscles began to relax and rest was welcomed. Nothing different was done in the daily routine that we can consciously attribute to the descent of well being into the place of agony that had ensued. Likewise, nothing was done differently that has brought about the feeling of healing as the pain and stiffness has steadily departed its position as daylong companion. Resumption of Physical Therapy exercises has been executed each day recently and enthusiastic prayers of thankfulness for the presence of a pain free back have been raised multiple of times each day. Whether Divine intervention or a divinely natural change in a lumbar cyst or other happening, this recipient of relief is enthusiastically grateful for the relief from the piercing pain that was truly debilitating! Gratitude fuels the flame of hope and peace that warms the depths of this heart embracing the blessing that is life!
The skies are overcast with a thick layer of clouds and the leaves rustle gently now with each passing breeze. Prognosticators assert that a late summer “cold front” is passing north to south as a now category one hurricane is moving its way across north Florida in a track directly over the Carolina coasts. The southern moving front will collide with the northern moving storm and help steer it out to sea hopefully before it wreaks its full potential for damage over the inhabited landscape. This unwilling but accustomed possessor of Parkinson’s symptoms is moving in a calculated fashion, not wanting to inflame a lumbar region well noted for its raging objection to bouts of stress. The overcast sky reminds one of the need for a reprieve from glaring and piercing sunshine that can bake the clay and scorch the landscape. Life exists in either condition but thrives in a moderation of both. The giant Southern Pecan tree standing majestically in the yard gives evidence to the habitat of both sun and shade. The south side, receiving the brightest and more intense sunlight bears dry and brittle bark. The north side, being exposed to very little direct sunlight renders a habitat inundated with a bright green crop of moss that has thrived during this summer of frequent rain. Neither the dry bark nor the moss covered bark is significantly better than the other. They both inhabit the same tree that thrives to produce, some years, a bounty of its fruit. Like the tree, this possessor of PD seeks a balance from the extremes of his symptoms so as to flourish in the fruit of thanksgiving that is nourished by gratitude.
Overcast, but not gloomy, the landscape brightens slowly signaling the arrival of some cooler weather. An agenda waits as this day unfolds, but in the still of these early hours we calmly reflect upon those things for which we are thankful. Parkinson’s has taken its toll but it has not stolen the joy of life. Without the loss of some flexibility, I would have never known the freedom that agility brings. So much would have been taken for granted and there are times when I long to have all that for so long I did take for granted. Nevertheless, as the sun breaks through the morning sky so too arises the joyful reminder that right now, today, back pain has subsided, tremors have almost ceased, and this body feels rested. Another opportunity to discover what is possible in this gift called life has emerged in the dawning of this new day. Gratitude waters this soul as the fruit of thankfulness ripens in this ever bearing heart!
Another day of scorching temperatures brought the steamy and tepid air to a place of constant discomfort as we navigated the out of doors from one errand to another. Bending over rendered the lumbar region seemingly raw and excruciatingly painful as puppy dishes were placed and then removed after contents were devoured. Concentration on working through the agony was eventually interrupted while sitting for choir rehearsal as the lumbar tension became tighter and the pain sharper with every breath. Acetaminophen and a welcomed night’s rest delivered this possessor of Parkinson’s symptoms to an achy, but rested morning filled with pre-planned activities. A visit with a dear friend in his welcoming outdoor garden preceded a luncheon with a recently discovered distant relative. Searching a printed genealogical chart provided by yet another cousin afforded us the opportunity to identify the connection to distant relatives from the early eighteen hundreds. Thankfulness permeated our sharing as we each told of our distant and recent journeys with family and friends. The discomfort of spinal tension was eased in the presence of gratitude for moments shared with friends and family alike. The gratitude expanded as the pain diminished ever so steadily as the day progressed. A thankful heart now supersedes any remaining discomfort as this day unfolds its blessings!
The heat and humidity seem layered on like icing on a cake. For now, there appears to be no reprieve from the residue of nature’s sauna. As the remaining four puppies await their family’s arrival during the week, they are taking advantage of the coolness of the indoor air conditioning. Frolicking and tackling one another for a few minutes soon leads to seemingly exhausted sleep for a couple of hours. Gracie still joins them in their pen at least twice each day as she dutifully attempts to clean up after them and give them just a brief taste of mother’s milk. Their sharp little claws and even sharper teeth have become natural weaning instruments. Slumbering her exhaustion away, the dutiful mom rests as she sprawls on the cool hardwood floor. Soon the household will be back to its “normal” state, free of puppies and duties there to and cherished time with pet and petting persons will resume its tranquil welcomed state. Words and thoughts of thankfulness fill this grateful heart as we gaze the sleeping majesty of the Retriever named Gracie. Such a loving and obedient pet and such a dutiful and caring mother to her brood seems a miracle to behold. This heart filled with gratitude overcomes the distractions of chronic Parkinson’s symptoms and at this moment of reflection rests in the peace that is this moment!