gratitude
A forecast of summer weather so early in the spring seems out of place since frost just paid us a visit a few nights ago. The landscape is bursting with shades of green as wild onions and wire grass engage their respective genetic propensity on the ground. Mid-morning air, less humid than frank summer temperatures, already seems to beg for a breeze to move it along. A shady place will surely be welcomed by birds and mammals as the afternoon temperature is expected to climb in the higher double digits. Warmth without humidity is a welcomed occurrence to this PD host who sometimes finds maneuvering through cold weather more challenging than not. Thoughts of gratitude well up inside as childhood memories of springtime emerge. The childhood memories of freedom from the restraints of heavy clothing and clunky shoes shed in the warmth of summer flood this thankful heart. Gratitude is the sunshine in which a thankful heart basks and absorbs the memories of a life so filled with love. May your day be bright with that gratitude that illuminates the blessings that surround like the grains of sand beside the stream.
The distant view of the western horizon is obscured by the steady downpour of rain on this warming spring day. Remnants of wind torn siding ripped from the eaves of the farmhouse lay in collected piles awaiting repair and restoration where usable. This season has been inundated with teases of summer, haunts of winter and remnants of floods. One consistency that we are learning to count on is change! Change from welcomed and expected climes to those wished behind us and back again has become the cycle consistently expressed. Deep within the brain of those of us who have been called upon to host the ever depleting levels of dopamine that has been labeled as Parkinson’s disease, a phenomenon similar to the current weather pattern has emerged. It too is called change. That change may occur rapidly and with unexpected consequences or it may emerge slowly in medically predictable fashions. In either instance, it embraces what has become familiar; sometimes friendly, sometimes a foe, but always change. Although friendship with an apparent foe seems an unlikely occurrence, friendship has become a reasonably logical step along the pathway to a place of peace. The friendship is not with the consequences of change per se, but rather with the very fact that change is an inevitable part of the process of life. Thankfulness for another step along the pathway to the “peace” that goes beyond routine understanding leads one to the gate of gratitude that when entered renders a whole new vista.
The azaleas hugging the white clapboard house stood as a stark pink contrast in the bright sunshine of this unusually chilly spring day. Once inside the gated yard more but different colored blossoms came into view. Nature’s variety and variations were presenting themselves as evidence that even blooming bushes holding the same name were the same in name only! As I crossed the threshold into the bright and welcoming home space the warm and congenial face of one who is becoming a dear friend lifted his words of welcome. He, an unwilling host to ALS, has met many challenges and continues to thrive with the loving hearts and hands of neighbors and friends. Inspiration barely describes the emotional response I have experienced at the level of care and nurturing for the physical needs of this delightful and talented musician by those who attend him. As we engage our varied and sometimes tangential conversation we brush upon opportunities to encourage and lift one another in words of gratitude, hope, and faith. We express our wonder at the complexities of the human experience and the neurological quagmire that seemingly all too frequently turns from solid ground to engulfing quicksand. We stand for a moment on the metaphorical precipice that overlooks that valley into which one could so easily plunge emotionally and we lift our eyes and thoughts to the bridge of gratitude upon which we take steps of thankfulness. We grew up in different parts of the garden and we share the same label called human. Although our blooms are expressed in different colors, the core of our roots renders us in the same human family, nurtured by the soil of faith and nutrients of grace that are watered in gratitude.
In the old Tarzan films you see the poorly verbalized but nevertheless wise hero thrust himself from one steady position to the promise of another by means of a non-tethered but sturdy vine. Conveniently, the vine seems waiting to become the host for the journey to a new destination either away from the dangers that seem to invade the old or toward one that surely guarantees yet another intriguing adventure. The reasonable props for the execution of the dramatic move must be a hefty element of trust in the reasonable safety and security of the vine along the journey and faith that the destination location will sustain the weight of the landing. Leaving the old and arriving at the precipice of the new has within it elements of excitement, fear, revelation, and grief. As the host to (unwilling or not) the dwelling of various Parkinson’s symptoms, this not so agile (hero?) one grasps the vine with all his strength for the journey to a new adventure. The location is still the forest, but the vista is changing as the light of an adjusted pathway is illuminated. Gratitude remains the cover that blankets the footing from the old to the new and a thankful heart beats to the call of discovery.
Unwanted, unplanned, and unwelcomed sleep disturbance has come to visit recently. Its arrival has been coincidental (as opposed to attributed to) with some odd changes in the weather. It has not been uncommon for a mid-summer’s dream weather to be overtaken by a winter’s freeze snap or for a bright sunny day to be whisked away by the cold and foreboding occupation of drizzling rain. March wind has insisted it not be forgotten and has bullied its way onto the landscape, stirring up pollen like sprinkled salt on an open wound. Whether weather or change in the clock, or some other contributor to altered sleep patterns, we hold steadfast to gratitude for another day of possibilities. Change is in the air and on the calendar and thankfulness is the plate upon which it is being served. This unwilling host to Parkinson’s finds that a generous serving of gratitude for what remains and what is to be gained provides satiation for this hungry soul. Fields of gratitude provide for the greater harvest! A different seed gives a change in harvest.
Even in the bright sun of the mid-morning, the air embraces a chill that defies the traditional definition that is spring. Someone failed to notify the passing arctic breeze that the calendar has now passed the date denoting the arrival of the spring season. Oddly, before the date turned on the calendar we now keep other weather patterns were confounding winter with the heat of summer. As if rigidity, tremor, stiffness and a few other annoyances were not enough for this unwilling Parkinson’s host, now the tides of uneven temperatures seem to engulf the otherwise routine passing of the seasons. As we listened carefully yesterday to the joy filled life celebration of one who at 92 had passed on from what we know as this life, we were struck by the frequent references to humor, using one’s gifts, and giving unceremoniously to others. That message in celebration extended into today as I pause in reflections of gratitude and joy at the abundance that surrounds us, even in the midst of change. Almost in an instant the propensity toward a mental cloud opens rather to the breaking of a new dawn filled with the light and warmth that is found at the rise of thankfulness. Again, the message of gratitude and thankfulness rains down warmth that enriches the soil that provides sustenance and reinforces the understanding that it is what dwells within, rather than what resides without that renders depth and meaning to this life.
Chill permeates the space between the walls in the old farm house. Visions of spring flirt with moments of warmth interspersed with the cool expanse of an overcast day. As sunlight reigns longer each day, opportunities for nature’s bounty spring forth and blossom to bear its fruit and feed the birds and bees that rely so heavily upon it. Each morning brings with it seemingly endless challenges accompanied by equally abundant opportunities. The host to Parkinson’s, like the bearer of other chronic and persistent invaders knows too well the challenges of movement, agility, and flexibility that are daily reminders that what we perceive as wellness is so often a gift that is taken for granted. Beside the seemingly rough waters of challenge lies the shore of opportunity upon which possibilities emerge and flourish. Like the trees that thrive along the banks of the stream, opportunities for growth and change draw sustenance from the roots penetrating into the waters of challenge. The challenge of movement presents the opportunity to test the limits and rewards of exercise. The challenge of loss presents the opportunity to appreciate and negotiate a new or different pathway along which new and different outcomes may be experienced. Not every challenge is so easily viewed as an opportunity, but every opportunity when viewed through the prism of gratitude renders a new perspective from which accomplishments may be observed. The canvas comes alive as the artist uses the brush of thankfulness to create new and beautiful works from the tones of challenge and opportunity in the light of gratitude!
Fields glisten with frost as the sun bursts brightly over the eastern horizon. Today’s prediction is one of warmth and sunshine as spring teases her way forward. In the quiet stillness of the moment, reflections of past experiences mesh with the thoughts of today’s agenda and create the context in which events may unfold. That uninvited resident named Parkinson’s is slowly becoming an acknowledged inhabitant who shall never define me, but must somehow be accommodated as a firm presence deep in the center of my brain. Other temporary maladies which have come to visit are distractions of late and have served as reminders that distractions need not serve as detractors to one’s tasks in this journey called life. Conscious dreams that form the superstructure of ambition begin to take form in the presence of gratitude for what has already begun to be realized. An abundance of thankfulness flows like a river that nourishes the desire to encourage, inspire, and thrive as a witness in a life gratefully lived. Each time an inconvenient distraction passes near, a pause to reflect and draw from that robust river of thankfulness serves as nourishment that propels this journey forward. Each day provides yet another opportunity to thrive in the midst of the garden that blooms rich from the waters of gratitude surrounded by the soil of thankfulness.
A raven sails low to the ground casting his shadow on the green and golden field just below. The contrast between this bright and sunny day and the recent wind torn and blustery cold rainy one in the recent past is stark. In the quiet and peaceful illumination of this time and place it seems unimaginable that it would ever appear otherwise. Somehow the relative warmth and brightness of this day brings with it a vista of hope that there will be more of these to come. The season of cold, drab, and rainy days will soon be behind us and we will revel for a time in the warmth of the blessing of the sun. As unintended host to the invader known as Parkinson’s disease, the absence or relief of symptoms that overcast otherwise bright and sunny movements and moods is met with the same breath of gratitude as that of a sunny day. Self-pity and moans of pain and struggles with movement subside like the retreat of the ocean waters at low tide. A new friend recently shared a story in which he was expressing a “prayer” of thankfulness for all the illnesses that he “didn’t” have. I couldn’t emotionally or cognitively relate, but nodded in recognition that he had been heard. I find greater comfort and strength in gratitude for what I do have rather than gratitude for what I don’t have. Gratitude for periods of relatively free symptoms, moments of abilities to walk without pain and resistance, and gratitude for medications, health professionals and loved ones that make this hosting journey a bit less lonely, serve as a foundation upon which I find comfort building. Tomorrow the symptomatic weather may change; today, I live in the light and warmth of thankfulness for what I have before me – opportunity! Gratitude fuels my engine of motivation to embrace the windows of opportunity that open to the fresh air of change!
The vista is obscured by the steady falling rain. There is a stark contrast between today’s experience of chilling cold weather under overburdened, rain rendering clouds and the adventure of the last ten days under warm sunshine illuminating brightly lit seas and shores. Blue seas and skies greeted us each day as we traveled the Eastern Caribbean to the shores of Saint Thomas and Saint Maarten. Apprehension that PD would hamper the joy of the experience was allayed as we simply struck out in faith that walking and new adventures would be achieved. Miles of walking was ultimately accomplished, some with limps, some with a cane, and some with the ankle brace. The pinnacle experience was trekking through the streets, beaches and boardwalk of Saint Maarten on a Segway. Apprehension clouded the preparation with helmet, elbow and knee pads prior to the Segway journey. Persevering, we followed the instructor’s lead and mounted the two wheeled machine, left foot first and then the right. Surprisingly balanced, we practiced forward movement, stopping (leaning backwards, ever so slightly) and turning from right to left. Soon we were off in single file through the shore and shop lined streets of that beautiful Caribbean island. Suddenly the thrill of a youthful new experience emerged as we slipped by pedestrians and maneuvered around fountains and past sidewalk cafes. What had seemed a remote possibility, just days before, was now a blossoming reality that infused aching calf muscles as we approached our first rest stop. Soon we were back on the modest two wheeler as we zoomed once again across the beach and onto pathways that took us back to our starting place. Energized and muscle strained, we sailed and walked with gratitude the long distance back to the ship that was home for the next few days. Trepidation had turned to joy as perseverance and faith undergirded the journey that morning. A grateful heart engulfed the afternoon and evening as we greeted and dined with new found friends aboard the ship. Now, even the memory brightens an otherwise cold and dreary day making way for sunshine in my mind’s eye with each thankful step!