attention
Thoughts randomly arise on subjects about which I have only occasionally given attention. During the wee hours of this morning, however, those random thoughts seemed to take an obsessive hold during the few moments after waking to nature’s call. From one seemingly important task to another, this mind would gallop obsessively as though its attention to the project upon which the obsession lay needed to be attended and remedied immediately. Frustration that the obvious rational was not taking hold in the quest to quell the irrational resulted in a bout of tossing and turning in those early morning moments. Slumber returned as a place of gratitude emerged intentionally focusing on the creator and sustainer of grace. As the alarm sounded to rouse me from a deep slumber to attend the morning rituals, I rose with the recollection of gratitude and thankfulness permeating the day’s beginning. A gratitude tune up has served to supercharge this aging vehicle for a loving journey through today’s pathway.
A change in weather is predicted over the next few days with highs near seventy rather than the ninety degree temperatures we have been experiencing. This will be a welcomed change. Not all change is greeted with such enthusiasm. A dear friend recently left for an eternity in the arms of God. A loved cousin is battling multiples of ailments now as she patiently endures the caretaking at the local medical center. Producing my signature is an undertaking that previously required little thinking but now requires full attention to range of motion. Too much concentration on any one thing renders a trembling right hand that I’ve grown accustomed to humorously slapping back to attention. Sometimes change means loss and at other times change means to gain. Whether loss or gain change is a condition of life. Sometimes that change is met with grief and at other times it is met with joy. Gratitude for the journey is the fuel that propels the engine of faith that sustains us through the grief and lifts us in the joy. The charge given by the Apostle Paul to the believers in Thessalonica is wise; “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
Flipping an omelet was a simple task. Turning from side to side in the bed was once a thoughtless maneuver. Putting on pants while standing was second nature and required no thought or attention. Hopping from the chair to attend to a recalled task was a snap. Flicking a light switch was accomplished with lightening speed. Turning quickly because you remembered something in the other direction required no attention to the process of turning around. “Past” is the tense in each of the previous statements. So many things this “whipper-snapper” took for granted have become the thief demanding attention where no attention was before required. This stranger called Parkinson’s disease has decided to take up residence. His presence is unwelcomed and he was uninvited. His intrusiveness is fuel for my anger at times and a reminder of my grief at what has been lost. I reflect on life before his invasion and though saddened at times by loss I cannot help but be thankful that those years of freedom were given. Today the struggle is not as much with the resistance to movement or the slowness to respond to my every whim, but rather with the integration of what is today, with the memory of what used to be. Each day now becomes a new opportunity to exercise what remains. Placing grief at the feet of thankfulness helps create a path forward with the legs of gratitude.