In the old Tarzan films you see the poorly verbalized but nevertheless wise hero thrust himself from one steady position to the promise of another by means of a non-tethered but sturdy vine. Conveniently, the vine seems waiting to become the host for the journey to a new destination either away from the dangers that seem to invade the old or toward one that surely guarantees yet another intriguing adventure. The reasonable props for the execution of the dramatic move must be a hefty element of trust in the reasonable safety and security of the vine along the journey and faith that the destination location will sustain the weight of the landing. Leaving the old and arriving at the precipice of the new has within it elements of excitement, fear, revelation, and grief. As the host to (unwilling or not) the dwelling of various Parkinson’s symptoms, this not so agile (hero?) one grasps the vine with all his strength for the journey to a new adventure. The location is still the forest, but the vista is changing as the light of an adjusted pathway is illuminated. Gratitude remains the cover that blankets the footing from the old to the new and a thankful heart beats to the call of discovery.
Unwanted, unplanned, and unwelcomed sleep disturbance has come to visit recently. Its arrival has been coincidental (as opposed to attributed to) with some odd changes in the weather. It has not been uncommon for a mid-summer’s dream weather to be overtaken by a winter’s freeze snap or for a bright sunny day to be whisked away by the cold and foreboding occupation of drizzling rain. March wind has insisted it not be forgotten and has bullied its way onto the landscape, stirring up pollen like sprinkled salt on an open wound. Whether weather or change in the clock, or some other contributor to altered sleep patterns, we hold steadfast to gratitude for another day of possibilities. Change is in the air and on the calendar and thankfulness is the plate upon which it is being served. This unwilling host to Parkinson’s finds that a generous serving of gratitude for what remains and what is to be gained provides satiation for this hungry soul. Fields of gratitude provide for the greater harvest! A different seed gives a change in harvest.
Even in the bright sun of the mid-morning, the air embraces a chill that defies the traditional definition that is spring. Someone failed to notify the passing arctic breeze that the calendar has now passed the date denoting the arrival of the spring season. Oddly, before the date turned on the calendar we now keep other weather patterns were confounding winter with the heat of summer. As if rigidity, tremor, stiffness and a few other annoyances were not enough for this unwilling Parkinson’s host, now the tides of uneven temperatures seem to engulf the otherwise routine passing of the seasons. As we listened carefully yesterday to the joy filled life celebration of one who at 92 had passed on from what we know as this life, we were struck by the frequent references to humor, using one’s gifts, and giving unceremoniously to others. That message in celebration extended into today as I pause in reflections of gratitude and joy at the abundance that surrounds us, even in the midst of change. Almost in an instant the propensity toward a mental cloud opens rather to the breaking of a new dawn filled with the light and warmth that is found at the rise of thankfulness. Again, the message of gratitude and thankfulness rains down warmth that enriches the soil that provides sustenance and reinforces the understanding that it is what dwells within, rather than what resides without that renders depth and meaning to this life.
Chill permeates the space between the walls in the old farm house. Visions of spring flirt with moments of warmth interspersed with the cool expanse of an overcast day. As sunlight reigns longer each day, opportunities for nature’s bounty spring forth and blossom to bear its fruit and feed the birds and bees that rely so heavily upon it. Each morning brings with it seemingly endless challenges accompanied by equally abundant opportunities. The host to Parkinson’s, like the bearer of other chronic and persistent invaders knows too well the challenges of movement, agility, and flexibility that are daily reminders that what we perceive as wellness is so often a gift that is taken for granted. Beside the seemingly rough waters of challenge lies the shore of opportunity upon which possibilities emerge and flourish. Like the trees that thrive along the banks of the stream, opportunities for growth and change draw sustenance from the roots penetrating into the waters of challenge. The challenge of movement presents the opportunity to test the limits and rewards of exercise. The challenge of loss presents the opportunity to appreciate and negotiate a new or different pathway along which new and different outcomes may be experienced. Not every challenge is so easily viewed as an opportunity, but every opportunity when viewed through the prism of gratitude renders a new perspective from which accomplishments may be observed. The canvas comes alive as the artist uses the brush of thankfulness to create new and beautiful works from the tones of challenge and opportunity in the light of gratitude!
Fields glisten with frost as the sun bursts brightly over the eastern horizon. Today’s prediction is one of warmth and sunshine as spring teases her way forward. In the quiet stillness of the moment, reflections of past experiences mesh with the thoughts of today’s agenda and create the context in which events may unfold. That uninvited resident named Parkinson’s is slowly becoming an acknowledged inhabitant who shall never define me, but must somehow be accommodated as a firm presence deep in the center of my brain. Other temporary maladies which have come to visit are distractions of late and have served as reminders that distractions need not serve as detractors to one’s tasks in this journey called life. Conscious dreams that form the superstructure of ambition begin to take form in the presence of gratitude for what has already begun to be realized. An abundance of thankfulness flows like a river that nourishes the desire to encourage, inspire, and thrive as a witness in a life gratefully lived. Each time an inconvenient distraction passes near, a pause to reflect and draw from that robust river of thankfulness serves as nourishment that propels this journey forward. Each day provides yet another opportunity to thrive in the midst of the garden that blooms rich from the waters of gratitude surrounded by the soil of thankfulness.
A raven sails low to the ground casting his shadow on the green and golden field just below. The contrast between this bright and sunny day and the recent wind torn and blustery cold rainy one in the recent past is stark. In the quiet and peaceful illumination of this time and place it seems unimaginable that it would ever appear otherwise. Somehow the relative warmth and brightness of this day brings with it a vista of hope that there will be more of these to come. The season of cold, drab, and rainy days will soon be behind us and we will revel for a time in the warmth of the blessing of the sun. As unintended host to the invader known as Parkinson’s disease, the absence or relief of symptoms that overcast otherwise bright and sunny movements and moods is met with the same breath of gratitude as that of a sunny day. Self-pity and moans of pain and struggles with movement subside like the retreat of the ocean waters at low tide. A new friend recently shared a story in which he was expressing a “prayer” of thankfulness for all the illnesses that he “didn’t” have. I couldn’t emotionally or cognitively relate, but nodded in recognition that he had been heard. I find greater comfort and strength in gratitude for what I do have rather than gratitude for what I don’t have. Gratitude for periods of relatively free symptoms, moments of abilities to walk without pain and resistance, and gratitude for medications, health professionals and loved ones that make this hosting journey a bit less lonely, serve as a foundation upon which I find comfort building. Tomorrow the symptomatic weather may change; today, I live in the light and warmth of thankfulness for what I have before me – opportunity! Gratitude fuels my engine of motivation to embrace the windows of opportunity that open to the fresh air of change!
The vista is obscured by the steady falling rain. There is a stark contrast between today’s experience of chilling cold weather under overburdened, rain rendering clouds and the adventure of the last ten days under warm sunshine illuminating brightly lit seas and shores. Blue seas and skies greeted us each day as we traveled the Eastern Caribbean to the shores of Saint Thomas and Saint Maarten. Apprehension that PD would hamper the joy of the experience was allayed as we simply struck out in faith that walking and new adventures would be achieved. Miles of walking was ultimately accomplished, some with limps, some with a cane, and some with the ankle brace. The pinnacle experience was trekking through the streets, beaches and boardwalk of Saint Maarten on a Segway. Apprehension clouded the preparation with helmet, elbow and knee pads prior to the Segway journey. Persevering, we followed the instructor’s lead and mounted the two wheeled machine, left foot first and then the right. Surprisingly balanced, we practiced forward movement, stopping (leaning backwards, ever so slightly) and turning from right to left. Soon we were off in single file through the shore and shop lined streets of that beautiful Caribbean island. Suddenly the thrill of a youthful new experience emerged as we slipped by pedestrians and maneuvered around fountains and past sidewalk cafes. What had seemed a remote possibility, just days before, was now a blossoming reality that infused aching calf muscles as we approached our first rest stop. Soon we were back on the modest two wheeler as we zoomed once again across the beach and onto pathways that took us back to our starting place. Energized and muscle strained, we sailed and walked with gratitude the long distance back to the ship that was home for the next few days. Trepidation had turned to joy as perseverance and faith undergirded the journey that morning. A grateful heart engulfed the afternoon and evening as we greeted and dined with new found friends aboard the ship. Now, even the memory brightens an otherwise cold and dreary day making way for sunshine in my mind’s eye with each thankful step!
The light through the blinds was evidence that a cloudless night was being illuminated by a multitude of stars. Though sound asleep just a few minutes prior, this unwilling possessor of Parkinson’s was now profusely pondering all things that had not been pondered sufficiently during daylight hours. Tossing and turning to gain that singular cozy position under the covers on this chilly night did little to quell the wandering and now wide awake mind from its search for solutions to created problems not worthy of “normal” day time. Frustrated that neither prayers nor intentional thought aversion were leading back to longed for slumber, the now wide awake obsessed one made the choice to rise and begin the day. Still two hours shy of sunrise, routine morning consumption of daily medications was commenced. With fire stoked in the old wood stove, and coffee ready for the brewing, even Gracie the Golden was not to be lured from her evening reprieve as she snuggled feet to chin on her generously cushioned bed. Warmly positioned in the den recliner and vigorously absorbing the morning reading, I paused to reflect on the last few days. In the midst of tasks, errands, appointments and moments of rest I had begun to understand that living is less like an event and more like a process. For some, that may not be a revelation, but for this participant, it was a series of thoughts worthy of giving thanks for their occurrence. Over the years there have been innumerable events that I would have previously deemed noteworthy. Reflecting now, I find greater value in understanding these things as a process of experiencing life that offered opportunities for learning and growing as opposed to events to “chalk” up along the way. Having deemed these thoughts worthy of further exploration, this now sleepy soul surrenders to the notion of a nap as being nutritious for this growing processor. Stay tuned!
A raging torrent of rain has passed. The deluge too great for the underlying Carolina red clay now hovers in masses of puddles in all the low lying places from which it could not run off. A glance out the front window of the old farm house gives witness to cardinals, and one woodpecker feasting on the critters finding their way to the top of the soil to avoid the penetrating swale of water coming their way. For some of nature’s own, this weather is a treat whereas for others it brings life risking challenges above which a few may not rise. The proverbial “mixed bag” seems not so mixed for some. Living with the “mixed bag” of chronic disease presents life challenges for which one must learn to accommodate. Medication is one form of accommodation for many. Adjusting to physical limitations and challenges is yet another form of accommodation. An occasional diminution of symptoms which requires less accommodation may be taken for granted since one’s pre-symptomatic life was relatively void of reasons to accommodate. As untoward symptoms re-emerge, it is not uncommon to have them accompanied by various aspects of grief. This semi-professional accommodator to symptoms and grief therewith has grown to understand and appreciate the necessity to exercise routine and consistent thanksgiving for all abilities and levels of accommodation. Gratitude has become that friend whose comfort I would not be caught without. When challenges seem to overwhelm, that friend named gratitude emerges to remind me that all abilities, whether great or small, are gifts and keys that open a plethora of still unused abilities!
Delighted by the brightness of the sun drenched snow we celebrate the end of the storm that brought the now deep white rendering. We found beauty in the falling white powder and sense of relief when the blowing drifts no longer piled high against the house. Thankful that the furnace functions and the old wood stove serves its purpose to exude heat from the burning goods inside, we find a place of contentment with books and periods of expressions of our gratitude. Knowing challenges of shoveling and making pathways lie ahead, we all the more express our thankfulness for sunshine to brighten the way. Knowing that the beauty of snow may soon easily turn to challenging sheets of ice, we make our plans to tackle the chores that soon demand our presence. Stiffness aches, and a few creaks and cracks of this Parkinson’s possessing participant will have their say, but nonetheless, we determine, shall not deter! Shored with the boots of gratitude and the cloak of thankfulness, mind, body, and snow will be justly moved to make way for tomorrow’s tasks. And this praising participant is all the more thankful for today’s opportunity to face the challenge!
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