obsessive
The glow through the closed blinds was bright as I lay there contemplating the things yet to be done around the farm before winter. Just minutes before I was awakened by nature’s urge and heeded the call. Sleep disturbance is not an unfamiliar visitor to the possessor of Parkinson’s but its visit is nonetheless interruptive of the rest that one so desires for a body neurologically challenged. Nightly visits are routine and usually are not disruptively interruption to a full night’s sleep, but this intruder was determined to gain attention. A field to mow, grass to cut in the yard, repair to an old barn and replacement of a shed’s gutter were intruders that seemed not to respond to “rational” thinking that would have otherwise put them in their place. After what seemed to be an extended period of obsessive time and renewed irritation of painful “pressure points” the only logical alternative seemed to be the one that made this aging codger rise from the sheets and wander into the den recliner for what was hoped to be a finishing evening respite. Irrational thinking had overcome the rational and dopamine depleted neurons seemed to embrace the need to stay wide awake. Upon surrender to wakefulness the yawns began their descent, but time had passed where renewing sleep would become a part of the day’s agenda. Gazing at the rising sun in the east and the setting moon in the west, whispers of thankfulness for the opportunity for another experience of life descended like a blanket of comfort surrounding this now calm recipient. None of the obsessive thoughts will be addressed in today’s agenda, but they will be tucked away in the ultimate “to do” within the next few months. With gratitude for the option of planning the execution of tasks, we prepare for the day at hand.
Thoughts randomly arise on subjects about which I have only occasionally given attention. During the wee hours of this morning, however, those random thoughts seemed to take an obsessive hold during the few moments after waking to nature’s call. From one seemingly important task to another, this mind would gallop obsessively as though its attention to the project upon which the obsession lay needed to be attended and remedied immediately. Frustration that the obvious rational was not taking hold in the quest to quell the irrational resulted in a bout of tossing and turning in those early morning moments. Slumber returned as a place of gratitude emerged intentionally focusing on the creator and sustainer of grace. As the alarm sounded to rouse me from a deep slumber to attend the morning rituals, I rose with the recollection of gratitude and thankfulness permeating the day’s beginning. A gratitude tune up has served to supercharge this aging vehicle for a loving journey through today’s pathway.