effort
Turning from one side to the other in bed suddenly became a monumental effort. The mind reasoned it as non thought provoking but the body resisted as if there were a mountain to climb. First steps of the morning were met with frank resistance as the feet refused to undertake the customary heel to toe movement forward. As frustration rises, so does the pill rolling tremor in the right hand rise in intensity. Visits from these reminders of human disease vulnerability descend occasionally without warning, but most often after an over-exertion of physical activity or a forgotten dose of dopamine replenishing medication. Each event prompts a response from one of the crossroads along the road of grief. That road leads ultimately to acceptance, but not to surrender. Acceptance that avenues of wellness are still available on this journey is not a sign of surrender to a place of defeat or resignation that there is nothing that one may do that would lead down a brighter road. Sometimes in the space called acceptance, a sudden reminder of the challenge being faced at that moment takes hold and tears of grief and frustration well up to overflow upon the cheeks that harbor gratitude. Knowing the presence and comfort of the Creator is in itself a place of peace that far surpasses any reasoned understanding. A thankful heart still beats to the rhythm of grace as mercy each day shows His loving presence.