cousin
The deck was filled with chatter and laughter as stories of years past were bantered in the collective memory. Five of the original fifteen first cousins (from my father’s side of the family), direct descendants of eight out of ten twentieth century siblings were gathered for the first communal meal in almost forty years. As the time together unfolded and we looked at those occupying the deck, recollections of parents long deceased began to emerge. The resemblance of children to parents and or uncles and aunts became evident in ways not noticed in our younger years. As revelations of children, grandchildren, and even great grandchildren emerged we all shared the awe that was making its collective strike upon the group. The children that once had played with one another in carefree abandon were now grandparents filling in the blanks of those years since. Hearts were filled with gratitude that Saturday in April as all were able to reconnect and recollect the joys of lives today and fond memories of times gone by. Enthusiastically we all agreed to meet again soon with extended families of all the cousins. Thankfulness is the fuel that ignites the flame of memory bringing healing joy in today.
By: Susan Millner Graham
Hi, I’m Susan, Tom’s cousin. Tom and I recently reconnected after many years of not hearing from each other. He was always my favorite cousin and I know I was special to him when we were growing up together.
I was not only surprised to find Tom on ancestry.com but saddened to discover, when I read his blog, that he has PD.
I don’t have PD but I live with it everyday. My husband has PD as a result of Agent Orange poisoning in the Vietnam war. It’s been difficult to watch a man who has always been so strong and dexterous begin to lose those abilities which have given him such joy and supported our family for so many years.
We all make adjustments throughout our lives, PD is one of those things that forces us to make adjustments in the everyday abilities we have taken for granted, as well as the roles we have played. The one who was most often taken care of must now be a caretaker and the stronger one must be willing to allow the caretaking process. At first this can be a very difficult thing, allowing others to help us when we have always prided ourselves on the ability to take care of our own daily requirements. I know that at first my husband hated to ask for help and when I did help him he felt sadness and shame. In time this gave way to reality and gratefulness to have the help of someone who loved him and wanted to be there for him in whatever capacity she could.
I was in shock and felt so inadequate to do all the things I knew that in time I would have to deal with. I felt a need to be stronger than ever before at the same time feeling at my weakest. I know that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness so I have held to that promise and relied on divine strength to get through each day.
We are thankful for the things my husband still can do and we are finding new ways of doing familiar things by unfamiliar means. Some days seem almost normal, others filled with pain and movement disorder. Falls, surgeries for torn ligaments etc. Thank God for the large assortment of PD meds and for special shoes that help with the foot he drags.
My husband is a strong willed man who perseveres in the face of difficulties. I admire him, and everyone who is living life to the fullest in spite of the interference in their daily lives of PD.
I try now to look at the positives and not dwell on the negatives or fear the future. God’s promises are sure, he has never dropped me and he won’t now.
Love to and prayers for all of you, patients and caregivers dealing with PD.
Susan
I was doing a quick login to a well known genealogy site to check on information about a great grandfather. Something I had never seen before caught my eye. The window said “message.” I scrolled over to it and clicked to open. As I read, tears filled my eyes as I realized it was a message from a cousin who was among my dearest friends as a child. I have not seen her in nearly fifty years. My last “Google” search had shown her in Charleston, South Carolina, but the message indicated she was living near Richmond, Virginia. Memories rushed back as I responded to her message with my current email address, telephone number and connection to this blog site. Last night I received an email that helped fill in some gaps. She shared with me the news that her husband had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease as well. The reconnection was growing deeper. Knowing that she is within a two hour radius from the farm is encouragement that we will reconnect in person soon. The ten siblings in my father’s family have long gone and of the offspring from those siblings, only six remain. As springtime gives promise of its not too distant arrival, I hope to facilitate a reunion of the Millner cousins who remain. What a blessing that an intended search for a great grandfather born in 1845 would render a reconnection to a cousin who was born more than a century later. Gratitude abounds today for blessings that lift thoughts to the wonders of God’s creation.