symptoms
The graveled driveway almost glistens as the bright sun shines down on it. The recently mowed grass embracing its length gives a highlight and a look of distinction to the drive leading from the highway to the houses and sheds. In the distance a shadow of dark clouds casts an ominous warning of a possible storm, wind, and rain that may be heading this way. Rather than fret over what may come our way, this possessor of Parkinson’s Disease and its manifest symptoms under moderate control, looks gratefully out upon the bright shining deck and the plants and flowers growing thereon. Captured in the glow of the bright sunshine are the roaming chickens, grazing goats, and fine ripples in the pond as fish nibble at a morsel dropped by a bird flying by. Around the corner, a hungry and determined raven pounds soundly and directly onto a pecan it discovered near the giant tree. The shell of the nut is no match for the strength and stamina of the Raven’s beak as the bird gobbles down the meat of the nut before flying off to its next challenge. Gratitude fills this heart as the vision of beauty and the wonder of nature are manifest even in the shadow of a looming storm. The prognostication for PD is a slow progression of symptoms to a near state of dysfunction, which may lead to any number of secondary challenges. Nearly each of the potential effects has found its way to this walker’s path and has confronted him with the challenge customarily brought. For the weeks, days, and hours lived in the freedom from the dark clouds of this disease, we give thanks and cherish those times with a hefty dose of gratitude. It appears that gratitude is the best medicine to treat the source and symptoms of an otherwise cloudy experience!
The old pecan tree sheds its small green blossom strings as the winds whip by with bursts of energy from the north. Every web a spider has made acts as an unwitting trap for the tree’s rendering, giving warning to this aging possessor of Parkinson’s as to where not to walk lest he be encompassed by the arachnid’s trap. The sky is bright and nearly clear, but the temperature demonstrates a lingering presence of a northern blast as Spring asserts her belated appearance. My preference is a gentle breeze without the presence of flying pecan blossoms and sticky spider webs to avoid while moving awkwardly around the yard by the house. But you see, nature has nothing to do with my preference, but rather follows the prompting of a greater force than the whim of my will. Likewise, I’ve slowly made friends with the fact that being the host to the disease called Parkinson’s has nothing to do with my preferences nor desires. It has blown in to find a place to “act out” its chemically determinant whims. You see, I prefer the absence of pain and the presence of ultimate self-control when moving from one position to another or when walking across the room or out the door. I prefer not having to experience “freezing” moments wherein my body will not move smoothly at my mental (or loud verbal) command. I prefer having a peaceful and restful night’s sleep and to awake to the power of revitalized energy for that day. I also prefer not to experience untoward muscle jerks that accompany those undesired late-night obsessive thoughts of things for which there can be no resolution at that moment. I prefer to not be captive to small chemical substances that must be consumed on a routine basis to lessen the severity of all the things mentioned above that I would prefer not experiencing, plus a few added ones. I am grateful, however, to have the ability to learn how to cope with challenges of nature and disease. What worked yesterday or last week may not work today, but so far, the value of options has shown itself to be available each day. Seeking the place of gratitude for even what appears as the smallest touch of grace that releases one from what was desired and sometimes experienced into the place of what is and could be adapted, fills this heart with hope and assurance that each day, there is a way!
Bright and crisp was the sun that shone after several days of cold and often freezing rain. I gathered my keys, my cell phone and my wallet as I headed toward the slightly muddied truck for a short run to secure some groceries for the next few meals. The cows were chomping away at the newly sprouted grass and early clover as I drove the pot hole spotted driveway toward the once quiet country road from the family farm to the bustling city. The cows seemed to glow in the bright sunshine with which we were being blessed. I turned onto the well maintained and sturdy country road toward my city destination. A bright shine in the distance by the edge of the road caught my attention. As I got closer, the black garbage bag overflowing with pinkish substances became more evident. Then, I saw the Styrofoam cup, and a few feet away two soda cans on the right side of the road. A short distance further my eyes were met with more strewn cups of Styrofoam, translucent plastic and what looked like a bed cushion soaking up the abundance of water left by the multiple days of rain that came before. Now my attention had been drawn from the blessing of the bright sunshine illuminating the fields and woods along the roadway to the plethora of cast away cups, cans, and plastic bags lining the sides of the road. It seemed the distractors were strewn every twenty to thirty feet, on ether side of the road. I remembered that in late Autumn, “road crews” were busy along the side of the road collecting trash and garbage that had been strewn haphazardly during the summer as well. Now having seen the accumulation of discarded objects along the way, I found it harder to refocus my attention upon the blessing of the bright sunshine. PD has a way of sneaking its “trash” in the form of stiffness and rigidity in the way of an otherwise routine, but painless day. Likewise, I find it necessary to re-focus my thoughts on the temporary increase in dosage of dopamine assistance to help “clean up” the distraction of movement from the otherwise bright and cheerful day. Both the clutter of symptoms and the collection of rudely discarded cast away objects requires an intentional focus to maneuver past. With whispers of gratitude and the faith to move beyond the bits of a cluttered day the bright light of sunshine illuminates another thanks filled morning!
The date indicates that Summer should be near its close. The temperature and humidity indicate otherwise. Placing the tarp over the passenger seat of the truck in preparation for Gracie’s transport to the groomer left this PD hosting Boomer with a sticky neck, forehead and overall overheated body. Gracie had already left about three of herself lying all over the floor of the house as she shed her golden hair with little effort and spread it around generously even on the mantle after rolling on the floor and then shaking herself vigorously. Her majesty is not accustomed to walking leashed, since the farm yard is her playground and she never wanders far from the comfort of her shelter. A walk to the groomer, however, is fraught with commands to slow down, as my arm is outstretched, and my shuffling feet are forced to hobble haphazardly forward. The two-hour duration of her nose to tail-tip grooming procedure left me with time to try some shopping and a leisurely lunch at one of my favorite eateries. Even with the full dose of dopamine replenishment in place, these feet attached to these aging legs shuffled ever so slowly to stroll through a couple of nearby stores. Lunch was delicious, but the task of shuffling to order and then taking a seat for its delivery left me challenging my thinking about “eating out” while the pooch was prepped. Soon the text came that Gracie was groomed and ready for her departure back to the home she so dearly loves sharing her fur within. A groomed and less-haired dog prompted the thought that the few days of shedding deposits occupying the floors would best be hosted in the trash by way of the vacuum cleaner. Emptying the canister numerous times amid raging resistance from a body hosting on what has become known as an “off day,” reminded me that life is NOT like it used to be. This disease is real and its manifestations can be at times daunting. The plans I had for the rest of the day and evening were soon “tabled” for a time of relative quiet and intended relaxation to allow the pain and stiffness to subside. This prideful participant in the sometimes-painful Parkinson’s Disease process is frequently faced with what sometimes appears to be the choice between “giving up” or “sucking up” in the throughs of disease symptomology. I have discovered, however, that there is yet another response that serves this host better. That is the act of “offering up” with a grateful heart those expressions of thankfulness for so many things that bring us through challenges. The list would fill a lifetime! A grateful heart is a thriving one!
After sunrise and the chicken coop door has opened, the seven young chickens begin to wander from their evening repose in search of morning fresh morsels to satisfy their seemingly never-ending hunger. They’ve just begun to lay small eggs, rich in color from the fresh vegetation and bugs and beetles found within the three acres of lawn. One hen seems to hang around the back deck near my truck. When I exit the house, she seems to know and makes her “perking” sound as she walks close as to greet me. The others, though seemingly not frightened of me, keep their distance. This one to whom I’ve given the random name of Edna, seems intent on seeking me out and staying close. She is near as I enter the car or truck for errands and has at times appeared eager to hop in for a ride. Edna is eager to greet me upon my return from errands or meetings and tilts her head to view me with her yellowish eye surrounded by an extended red crown and speckled black and white feathers. Edna has distinguished herself from the other hens and the rooster by her consistent seeking and following behavior. Of course, I could easily project onto Edna human characteristics that would explain her behavior, but that would be a paltry portrayal of uniquely poultry actions! Whatever her motivation, I find her behavior warmly interesting and unique. I’m thankful that Edna provides a bit of anticipation and reprieve from what could otherwise be a mundane daily journey through the stiff struggle of PD and reminds me that gratitude underpins this bridge over which we walk above the stream of symptoms. May your journey be enhanced by traveling on a path of gratitude well lighted by even the smallest gift for which to be thankful! Thanks, Edna!
As predicted, the snow came down gently covering the landscape as all objects external assumed their glistening places on the canvas of the hillside. After hours of snowy release from the sky above, the downward flow ceased as sun shone bright upon the newly dressed landscape. Prognosticators asserted that temperatures would plummet to single digits before rising to near springtime highs in just a few days. The roller coaster weather carries with it challenges for which one is best served to be prepared. As an unintended host to the bothersome symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, this aging country dweller is faced with often unpredicted challenges that disturb sleep, present resistant and stiff muscles in routine movements and illuminate points of pain that seemingly have no cause or promise of cessation. Experience has informed that the presence or absence of symptoms is not as predictable as forecasts of weather conditions. That same experience has revealed that whatever the condition (symptom or weather), change will supersede persistence and that sometimes change is a welcomed visitor. As I give thanks for the beauty of the snowy landscape, I am also filled with gratitude for the dissipation of the frosty powder as we navigate the roadway. Thankfulness even in the presence of untoward symptoms that are bothersome at the least is the foundation of the gratitude that gives strength to endure until they subside. Change of weather or symptoms is not in my command. However, expressions of thankfulness that build an arsenal of gratitude are mine to exercise and enjoy!
The faux-fired infrared fireplace is fanning out furiously the warmth desired on this pre-winter morning. Overcast skies seem to enhance the lingering cold that enveloped the farmland overnight. The Thanksgiving holiday has passed and time with family and loved ones gives way to another week of hustle and bustle for the gainfully employed and those eager to engage in overtly productive activities. Having tasted both, this passive possessor of Parkinson’s symptoms cherishes this time of quiet planning for the week’s desired outcomes. Sleep disturbance fueled by spasmodic jerks as I lay in what was an otherwise comfortable bed prevented this resistant participant from securing a full night’s rest. Tired, but otherwise thankful for another opportunity to engage the day intentionally, we reflect upon the things caught in the grip of obsessive thoughts during the pre-dawn mental tussle that when added to the other mix prompted an early rise to the waiting recliner. A book beside the chair that has been both engaging and inspiring was soon the focus of attention. As the bookmark was put in place, reflection upon the content absorbed helped to refocus this distracted and frustrated pre-dawn participant toward the gratitude that so gently re-orders priorities. A peaceful presence had descended and a blanked of thankfulness had engulfed as another hour of sleep came to visit. Now fully awakened and dutifully medicated in the attempt to replenish otherwise endogenous dopamine we are ready to meet the challenges of this new day with the best we can muster which is ever so greatly enhanced in the presence of gratitude for yet another opportunity to participate!
The mist rose from the warm pond water into the morning haze expressing its reaction to the newly arrived colder weather. The chickens were already pecking their way from the coop to the waiting compost from which their morning selection of grubs and nearly decaying seeds would emerge with a scratch or two from their thorny feet. Light had fully arrived since this morning’s earlier than usual extended period of wakefulness had led this reluctant host of various Parkinson’s symptoms to ascend the by then discomfort of the mattress to a place of ease in the welcoming recliner. The pup relieved and a few pages into the book being consumed I was reminded that attention to the meaning of the words had been lost to a wandering mind about the health condition of several friends and the list of agenda items that had been crafted for the day. Coffee and a light serving of cereal were consumed before embarking on the search for the first item on the agenda to be placed in a secure location for safe keeping. The last few places that the item had been seen sere checked to no avail. As I sat at my desk pondering the implications of having to replace the document it occurred to me that I may have already placed the item in the safe place. “Surely I would remember that”, I told myself before taking the few steps needed to peer into the secure location. Lifting the lid a burst of laughter erupted from this aging mouth as the document lay there with what gleamed like a smiling face saying; “beat you to it”! A moment of pause followed as I whispered words of thankfulness interspersed with a few otherwise self-deprecating expressions as I laughed at myself. Gratitude and a bit of humor shaken together with the morning mist prove to be an appreciated energy boost on a shiny fall morning!
The rains have gone and the aftermath is a quiet calm and a chilled morning. This possessor of Parkinson’s symptoms experienced some stiffness and discomfort during the deluge but has since been touched with only minor aches and pains that may be as much related to age as to the depletion of dopamine. Today is a celebration. Fourteen years ago a precious gift was given our family in the form of an infant girl to whom her parents gave the name Vanessa. Her loving, bright, and cheerful demeanor coupled with a quick grasp of knowledge about and around her environment has embedded her very being in our hearts. For this precious gift that brightens a room with the sunshine of her heart and personality we give thanks. She reminds us that blessings come into our presence every day in forms that melt our hearts and brighten our lives in ways we never imagined. Every day is a blessing that is brightened by the presence of each grandchild and today’s is grandly illuminated by this gift who celebrates fourteen years!
This morning’s pre-dawn glow was a hazy and foggy reminder that these cooler days do not arrive without evidence that change is underway. There is often physical resistance to weather changes that emerges as stiffness, joint and muscle aches or other symptoms lumped in the basket of descriptors called aging. This aging possessor of PD symptoms just a few weeks ago was experiencing seemingly unbearable aches and pains in his back and legs. At its height, even crawling into bed was accompanied by involuntary moans and cries for Divine intervention. That night was one of relative restoration wherein muscles began to relax and rest was welcomed. Nothing different was done in the daily routine that we can consciously attribute to the descent of well being into the place of agony that had ensued. Likewise, nothing was done differently that has brought about the feeling of healing as the pain and stiffness has steadily departed its position as daylong companion. Resumption of Physical Therapy exercises has been executed each day recently and enthusiastic prayers of thankfulness for the presence of a pain free back have been raised multiple of times each day. Whether Divine intervention or a divinely natural change in a lumbar cyst or other happening, this recipient of relief is enthusiastically grateful for the relief from the piercing pain that was truly debilitating! Gratitude fuels the flame of hope and peace that warms the depths of this heart embracing the blessing that is life!