Parkinson’s disease
Thanks!
The sun reflects brightly on the autumn landscape while enhancing the glow in the room we call the den. Relief and renewal have partnered after much needed and desired sleep. Twelve hours ago, the life experience was of a different sort. As I struggled to maintain focus on the text and lesson I had undertaken for our small group study the night before, the rage in my legs (I can think of no better way to describe it in one word) had become enormous. From the depths of the bones there existed a radiating neurological buzz that rendered my legs virtually useless, in spite of being enormously desired and needed. This otherwise distracting phenomenon usually happens in the mid afternoon and is most often diminished and or deleted after a thirty-to-forty-five-minute nap. That routine was undertaken, and I was assuming that I would be relieved of the challenge for the day. As the intensity of the pain began to emerge shortly after taking my seat at the table being shared for the study, I inwardly groaned and moved from one side to another, seeking to find a calming position for this restless invasion. Movement was slow and arduous. Even with the cane, I seemed only to be able to shuffle the pathway as we adjourned the session. The ten-minute journey home rendered my legs no less dis-abled than so many times before. As I prepared myself for bed and the ingestion of the remainder of the daily medications, I prayed for relief from the pain and a renewal of what has become my new normal. The prayer was favorably answered. Sleep was restful and renewing with no recollection of disturbing or alarming dreams. I have become more and more grateful for the times when rest and relaxation have become the route to restoration. This journey in the realm of Parkinsons has been one wherein I have been challenged in my thinking and often exhausted in the experience and revelation that this is a changing process. Right now, I am thankful that there is and has been relief from the pain of neural depravity and a place to rest a while. It is such a blessing to be reminded that in our deepest challenges may reside the glow of a sunlit day that brightens our way!
The sun is shining again, and the temperature and humidity makes it feel like summer already. The heat and light of summer has always been my favorite time from my earliest recollections. With the onset of summer came the removal of shirts and long pants and even the shoes that protected my feet from the harsh cold weather that was so intrusive and created such limits to the adventures desired by this nature hungry country boy. Except for Sunday church services when we “dressed up” appropriately and reverently, the days were experienced wearing only a pair of shorts. The cova19 pandemic has been like a winter that seemed it was never going to end. Although we have seemingly “turned the corner” toward Springtime and Summer, this unsolicited host to Parkinson’s sometimes shivers at the thought that this unsolicited season of potential infection might not pass. Staying away from large gatherings of people and being careful to wear a face covering when around others had this country boy behaving like there was no summer to enjoy! When the vaccine became available, I was eager to acquire the dose that represented the beginning of the disrobing process in anticipation of the summer we were hoping would come. Fortunately, there are enough folks who were eager for the environmental change also who sought the dose of assistance moving forward. Many people opted to act as though there was no winter weather at all and insisted that their shorts alone were quite enough for them to wear. Let us pray that those who chose to get themselves covered will be sufficient to not infect those who chose to continue to wear their shorts! This participant in life’s seasons is so thankful that he can finally return to activities engaging others and sharing the grateful and caring thoughts of a thriving heart!
As I was taking another “therapy walk” before sunset, my three grandchildren from next door decided to join me. Their Dad was behind us and snapped a picture of the four of us as we strolled along the extended driveway. This is the same driveway that provided a passage to multiple dwellings for both humans and a variety of animals over many years. As a two-year-old, barefooted toddler, I recall making my way along the same route over seventy years ago. I never dreamed in those days that I would be strolling this same road with grandchildren. Years filled with opportunities for learning, giving, growing, and discovering seem to have flown by since that bare footed two-year-old strolled the dirt driveway. A seemingly well-adjusted eighteen-year old moved from the farm to the college dorm. Summer camps and vacation time with the family provided ample opportunities to realize that there were many and varied experiences from which one may learn. College graduation was the springboard to teaching biology, physical science, and physics to nearly 500 high schoolers during the four years of teaching in both North Carolina and South Florida. I discovered that working two part-time jobs was necessary to support my “teaching habit”. A “why not” venture into Pharmaceutical Sales launched a career that took me around the world and underwrote a master’s degree in Organization Dynamics from an Ivy League School. I called Lake Worth, Florida, Long Island, New York, Kew Gardens (Queens), New York, Manhattan, New York, Milford, Connecticut, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania, and Fort Lauderdale, Florida “home”. I worked on every continent except Antarctica, and South America. I directed and facilitated the refocus of a major world-wide corporation as it upgraded its poorly defined tenure focused job descriptions from twenty-seven levels to six competency bands. I retired from corporate life and was developing a consulting firm when the Master at the center of my faith directed me back to a call He made to me while in High School. Shortly before I was ordained as Pastor of the church where God had led me through a rigorous academic preparation. A neurologist dubbed my physical challenges to be summed up as Parkinson’s disease. I responded with relatively equal portions of doubt, dismay, and determination. I discovered blessings in many challenges, sought the reflection of God’s love in all the activities I engaged, and listened for God’s voice as doors began to open for the way back to the farm in North Carolina. And, today, as I scuffle gratefully along the dirt road with the barefoot grandchildren, whose parents wedding I officiated seven years ago, I give thanks with a thriving heart made possible by the surrender to the greatest of blessings – His grace and mercy that show me daily the substance of His love!
The graveled driveway almost glistens as the bright sun shines down on it. The recently mowed grass embracing its length gives a highlight and a look of distinction to the drive leading from the highway to the houses and sheds. In the distance a shadow of dark clouds casts an ominous warning of a possible storm, wind, and rain that may be heading this way. Rather than fret over what may come our way, this possessor of Parkinson’s Disease and its manifest symptoms under moderate control, looks gratefully out upon the bright shining deck and the plants and flowers growing thereon. Captured in the glow of the bright sunshine are the roaming chickens, grazing goats, and fine ripples in the pond as fish nibble at a morsel dropped by a bird flying by. Around the corner, a hungry and determined raven pounds soundly and directly onto a pecan it discovered near the giant tree. The shell of the nut is no match for the strength and stamina of the Raven’s beak as the bird gobbles down the meat of the nut before flying off to its next challenge. Gratitude fills this heart as the vision of beauty and the wonder of nature are manifest even in the shadow of a looming storm. The prognostication for PD is a slow progression of symptoms to a near state of dysfunction, which may lead to any number of secondary challenges. Nearly each of the potential effects has found its way to this walker’s path and has confronted him with the challenge customarily brought. For the weeks, days, and hours lived in the freedom from the dark clouds of this disease, we give thanks and cherish those times with a hefty dose of gratitude. It appears that gratitude is the best medicine to treat the source and symptoms of an otherwise cloudy experience!
Frost is glistening on the grassy meadow as the ravens caw away at their morning ritual. The house is warm as the furnace blows the heated air from the vents. This day, dubbed Christmas hundreds of years ago has turned its eye upon us here in the southeast, prompting multitudes of celebrations from household to household. Some are flinging wrapping paper, others are testing out new bikes in the driveway, while some others are watching in wonder at how the families have grown. The so called “social” media has borne witness to others who complain of losses and the burdens of what has been and what is yet to come (sorrowfully). As this reluctant host to the ailment dubbed Parkinson’s Disease ponders his being, he can’t help but begin to unwrap the gifts, blessings, and or opportunities for giving thanks that flood his dopa-deprived mind! The blessing of family nearby that shares the victories of challenges nearly every day. The comfort of an engulfing and worn recliner whose seat renders reflection of the one to whom its embrace has molded. A warm and constantly shedding canine who has no clue that she is over seventy pounds as she climbs sometimes not so gracefully into the lap of one that she treats as part of her pack. The buzzing sounds of sleeping family for whose presence we are constantly raising praise. As each layer of the blessing for which we are grateful is gently uncovered, we are lifted to a higher place than the challenge of physical “limits” has gripped. Grace (unmerited favor) has been bountiful and its wonder is experienced in its truest form as we lift thanks to the One who is the giver and the gift. Merry Christmas!
The fog engulfs the landscape rendering only a few yards of visibility as this unwilling host to the invasive resident called Parkinson’s disease is in the midst of dealing with his erupting anger. An otherwise good night’s sleep was interrupted once again with various pains emanating from joints and muscles. A slowed and shuffling gate welcomes the morning as this dopamine deprived cerebrovascular network attempts the start of another day. Every activity that used to be so easily accomplished that it was taken for granted now seems to require an intentional plot to accomplish. Even the execution of the day’s agenda requires extra planning in anticipation of the time allotted for completion. Self-chastisement comes easily as this semi-self-perfectionist who lectures self on the need for more physical exercise, a healthier diet and more patience. Guilt over self-absorption quickly dissolves into the cleansing vat of detergent grade gratitude as I dip into it with words of thankfulness. Thanks for another day; another opportunity to discover ways even to truly rest and live in peace that is indeed greater than my understanding. Even a few moments of quiet thoughtfulness on the things and people for which I am grateful helps wash away the crusty old thoughts that heap woe on me! The path from anger to humor appears to be paved with stones of gratitude when we choose to bare our feet upon the pathway.
The covers were reflecting the warmth that this hosting body was giving off and it was providing comfort in what seemed to be the wee hours of the morning. In the semi-darkness of the new morning the old furnace kicked in to bring some added warmth to the space outside the covers. The space was so inviting, but the diminished movement brought on by this invader called Parkinson’s disease was beginning to take its toll on various joints as they began to scream internally for some relief. No longer the participant in renewing REM sleep, this now aching body began to move to “right” itself and thrust its feet into the waiting slippers. As relief began to arrive with the rise of the semi-flexible body, the promise of a new day would soon arrive with the rising of the morning sun. Whatever time the clock would reflect, the time that was before me was one in which thanks was being offered. Thanks for the hope of a new day; thanks for the possibilities and opportunities for growing deeper into the peace that passes all understanding, regardless of circumstances, and thanks to my creator for a love that knows no separation. This willing participant is now covered in the fresh air of gratitude that carries with it the warmth, nurture, and support needed in a world so rapidly changing!
Big black eyes with whites barely showing around the edges stare longingly in my direction. Having consumed already her bountiful cup of food and exercised her outdoor freedom, Gracie the Golden who graciously shares her home with this accepting host to Parkinson’s disease watches my every move in anticipation of an opportunity for a place in my lap. All of her sixty plus pounds likes to position itself squarely across my lap as we recline together in the comfortable chair designed for indulgence. Once positioned, she seeks her dreamland with eyes closed and legs placed in what could be described as her fetal position. Sharing her warmth on a chilly morning, the weight of this fur ball on the sometimes-throbbing legs of her host surprisingly brings comfort. A genetically unlikely pair then begin to share what nature has given each. Warmth and weight coupled with a pack instinct to nudge near the leader brings two longing and loving creatures to a place of mutual benefit. Gazing with amazement at the cascade of events, this beneficiary of warmth and massage like weight offers thoughts of thanks for these opportunities to connect in mutually beneficial ways. This grateful early morning experience serves as a reminder that life’s little moments can serve to lift what might otherwise be viewed as a heavy load!
As predicted, the snow came down gently covering the landscape as all objects external assumed their glistening places on the canvas of the hillside. After hours of snowy release from the sky above, the downward flow ceased as sun shone bright upon the newly dressed landscape. Prognosticators asserted that temperatures would plummet to single digits before rising to near springtime highs in just a few days. The roller coaster weather carries with it challenges for which one is best served to be prepared. As an unintended host to the bothersome symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, this aging country dweller is faced with often unpredicted challenges that disturb sleep, present resistant and stiff muscles in routine movements and illuminate points of pain that seemingly have no cause or promise of cessation. Experience has informed that the presence or absence of symptoms is not as predictable as forecasts of weather conditions. That same experience has revealed that whatever the condition (symptom or weather), change will supersede persistence and that sometimes change is a welcomed visitor. As I give thanks for the beauty of the snowy landscape, I am also filled with gratitude for the dissipation of the frosty powder as we navigate the roadway. Thankfulness even in the presence of untoward symptoms that are bothersome at the least is the foundation of the gratitude that gives strength to endure until they subside. Change of weather or symptoms is not in my command. However, expressions of thankfulness that build an arsenal of gratitude are mine to exercise and enjoy!
Morning came earlier than planned yesterday. The crisp and chilled air stoked the desire to curl beneath the warmth of the covers. Pain, discomfort, and an involuntary twitching joined forces with a mind that refused to surrender to slumber and became ever so persistent in the prompting to rise from the bed. With a solid four hours of slumber consumed this possessor of Parkinson’s proceeded to his recliner and the convenience of a book nearing its completion. Expecting sleep to make another visit we read and waited until it was obvious the visitor was not to arrive again that morning. Promptly consuming morning medication and coffee we soon set out in the rain for the men’s prayer breakfast scheduled for the convenience of those not rushing to work. A lesson about the “two sons” reminded us that what we do is a much deeper expression of our faith than what we say we will do. A return to the farmhouse rendered this tired and achy PD cohabitant to a state of intermittent jerks and twitches that prompted schedule readjustments and re-focused attention to letting go of the need to be anywhere other for that time. Prayers of gratitude for moments of spastic reprieve along with the prayers of others led to a restful evening of slumber and a return to today’s opportunities to serve others. Even in the mist of today’s chilling rain, there glows the light of possibilities fueled by the presence of thankfulness to be a living part of today’s experience!