gratitude
The fog engulfs the landscape rendering only a few yards of visibility as this unwilling host to the invasive resident called Parkinson’s disease is in the midst of dealing with his erupting anger. An otherwise good night’s sleep was interrupted once again with various pains emanating from joints and muscles. A slowed and shuffling gate welcomes the morning as this dopamine deprived cerebrovascular network attempts the start of another day. Every activity that used to be so easily accomplished that it was taken for granted now seems to require an intentional plot to accomplish. Even the execution of the day’s agenda requires extra planning in anticipation of the time allotted for completion. Self-chastisement comes easily as this semi-self-perfectionist who lectures self on the need for more physical exercise, a healthier diet and more patience. Guilt over self-absorption quickly dissolves into the cleansing vat of detergent grade gratitude as I dip into it with words of thankfulness. Thanks for another day; another opportunity to discover ways even to truly rest and live in peace that is indeed greater than my understanding. Even a few moments of quiet thoughtfulness on the things and people for which I am grateful helps wash away the crusty old thoughts that heap woe on me! The path from anger to humor appears to be paved with stones of gratitude when we choose to bare our feet upon the pathway.
The fields are aglow in the light of the bright sun after the passing weather front. Buds are forming on various trees in what may be a perilously early reaction to unseasonably warm weather in the last few weeks. This seemingly reactionary host to the resident called Parkinson’s disease appears to be as unpredictable as the weather embracing it. A solid night’s sleep may be followed by a stiff and shuffling gait or a restless night with an obsessive waking may result in feeling more energy for the errands and agenda planned the day before. Experience has proven that there are no easy predictors and best made plans have so far been executed even when challenged and resisted. In the warm inside glow of the bright afternoon sun this exercise tardy participant pauses to give thanks for the beauty of the day, the ability to think, and hear semi-howling wind that reminds him of who is in control today and always. Gratitude is the table upon which the feast of life is truly savored as we consume our portion and share with others!
The pre-dawn western sky was aglow as the nearly full moon shone brightly through the break in the fast-moving clouds. It had been four hours since sleep had overtaken in the comfort of the welcoming sheets embracing this possessor of Parkinson’s. Too early to engage fully, I reasoned, as Gracie the Golden nudged herself tightly against my legs. Gently she and I navigated her way to her preferred position stretched across my lap in the ever-welcoming recliner. A full agenda for the day ahead had kept me from rejoining the snooze brigade earlier. The warmth and weight of the loving and zealous seventy-pound creature brought comfort as I stroked her ears and neck. Sleep that still eluded me soon held her in its grip. Her whimpers and jerks signified to me that she was in a deep sleep and dreaming perhaps of an adventure in the fields romping about in the glee of freedom from the confines of the farmhouse. As she seemed to be consumed with dreams I whispered offerings of thanks for the joy of this time with one of God’s special creations. Surrender to accepting that this time awake was simply a part of today’s adventure and had offered me this blessing of cuddle and comfort added peace to the platter being served up. Gratitude, offered up in the expressions of thankfulness and in the presence of surrender is the framework upon which today is built.
The covers were reflecting the warmth that this hosting body was giving off and it was providing comfort in what seemed to be the wee hours of the morning. In the semi-darkness of the new morning the old furnace kicked in to bring some added warmth to the space outside the covers. The space was so inviting, but the diminished movement brought on by this invader called Parkinson’s disease was beginning to take its toll on various joints as they began to scream internally for some relief. No longer the participant in renewing REM sleep, this now aching body began to move to “right” itself and thrust its feet into the waiting slippers. As relief began to arrive with the rise of the semi-flexible body, the promise of a new day would soon arrive with the rising of the morning sun. Whatever time the clock would reflect, the time that was before me was one in which thanks was being offered. Thanks for the hope of a new day; thanks for the possibilities and opportunities for growing deeper into the peace that passes all understanding, regardless of circumstances, and thanks to my creator for a love that knows no separation. This willing participant is now covered in the fresh air of gratitude that carries with it the warmth, nurture, and support needed in a world so rapidly changing!
The pre-dawn landscape reflects the cloud subdued light of the moon. The harsh winds from yesterday’s weather front passage have subsided and stillness engulfs the terrain for the moment. Warm weather is predicted for the day with another grasp of winter’s cold hand to follow. A schedule of meetings, medical follow-up’s and routine chores align themselves on the “to-do” list of this still reluctant host to Parkinson’s. Stiffness, sleep disturbance, and the occasional tremor have become companions along the journey. Often pangs of guilt come to visit as I assert my anger at the challenge of buttoning a shirt sleeve or coordinating a fork and knife. As I watch the light drive away the darkness as the sun peeks over the eastern horizon I think of the opportunity that comes with a new day. The opportunity to share a smile; to offer a word of encouragement; to engage in exercise that combats the effects of diseased neurons, and the opportunity to whisper words and thoughts of thankfulness for the blessings already received and for those which are yet to come. Gratitude lifts my mind, heart and soul from a place of cloudy gloom to one that embraces the joy of living in the presence of the One who enlightens our way. Giving thanks helps clear the pathway to greater peace that surpasses our understanding!
Big black eyes with whites barely showing around the edges stare longingly in my direction. Having consumed already her bountiful cup of food and exercised her outdoor freedom, Gracie the Golden who graciously shares her home with this accepting host to Parkinson’s disease watches my every move in anticipation of an opportunity for a place in my lap. All of her sixty plus pounds likes to position itself squarely across my lap as we recline together in the comfortable chair designed for indulgence. Once positioned, she seeks her dreamland with eyes closed and legs placed in what could be described as her fetal position. Sharing her warmth on a chilly morning, the weight of this fur ball on the sometimes-throbbing legs of her host surprisingly brings comfort. A genetically unlikely pair then begin to share what nature has given each. Warmth and weight coupled with a pack instinct to nudge near the leader brings two longing and loving creatures to a place of mutual benefit. Gazing with amazement at the cascade of events, this beneficiary of warmth and massage like weight offers thoughts of thanks for these opportunities to connect in mutually beneficial ways. This grateful early morning experience serves as a reminder that life’s little moments can serve to lift what might otherwise be viewed as a heavy load!
As predicted, the snow came down gently covering the landscape as all objects external assumed their glistening places on the canvas of the hillside. After hours of snowy release from the sky above, the downward flow ceased as sun shone bright upon the newly dressed landscape. Prognosticators asserted that temperatures would plummet to single digits before rising to near springtime highs in just a few days. The roller coaster weather carries with it challenges for which one is best served to be prepared. As an unintended host to the bothersome symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, this aging country dweller is faced with often unpredicted challenges that disturb sleep, present resistant and stiff muscles in routine movements and illuminate points of pain that seemingly have no cause or promise of cessation. Experience has informed that the presence or absence of symptoms is not as predictable as forecasts of weather conditions. That same experience has revealed that whatever the condition (symptom or weather), change will supersede persistence and that sometimes change is a welcomed visitor. As I give thanks for the beauty of the snowy landscape, I am also filled with gratitude for the dissipation of the frosty powder as we navigate the roadway. Thankfulness even in the presence of untoward symptoms that are bothersome at the least is the foundation of the gratitude that gives strength to endure until they subside. Change of weather or symptoms is not in my command. However, expressions of thankfulness that build an arsenal of gratitude are mine to exercise and enjoy!
The frigid air engulfs the countryside as the rising sun glistens off the generous remains of the weekend snow storm. Registering in the low single digits midst a breezeless morning the cold permeates every unheated nook and cranny. The old furnace throws her flame as it heats the air being circulated before it. As a reluctant host to what is defined as a disease called Parkinson’s, movement is often challenging even on the warmest of days. The last few days have proven themselves to be loaded with added fuel to resistance, but determination to remove the uninvited snow from the walkway, porch and vehicles has found its successful route! According to prognosticators this frigid clime will coexist with ice and snow weighing down the roof and perpetuating a bed of ice along the driveway for another two days. A reprieve with temperatures rising to near sixty degrees is forecast for the coming weekend. As I express my deep gratitude to the One whose eye is on the sparrow, I also pray that we may all be spurred to do our part in helping those in need of warmth and protection from the ravages of weather, violence, rejection, or illness. Gratitude is the bridge that joins our hearts and hands together for the good of others when our hearts embrace the wholeness of the one called LOVE!
A steady rain has been falling gently on the metal roof of the old farm house for hours on end. Just a few days ago we were enjoying the beauty of the sun and warmth aboard the cruise ship docked in Freeport in the Bahamas. A combined Christmas and birthday gift to our granddaughter, this five day get away was designed with her in mind. Gregarious and cordial, she makes friends quickly and seems never to be at a loss for social activities that are interrupted only for designated dinner time and mandatory (if later than usual) bed time. With internet access and a stellar good book to read we sought out relatively quiet places on board where we could relax and engage this sometimes Parkinson’s challenged mind. Vitamins, antibacterial hand lotions and frequent washes did not deter the intimate arrival of an annoying rhinovirus that felt it necessary to remind me of how blessed life is without its visit, whether weather is warm or wintry. Back home just in time for the declaration of a New Year and the consumption of a plethora of tissues, time and tasks seem to be readjusting to this year of a new number. Even an annoying return of middle of the night insomnia has not deterred the expression of gratitude for the warmth and comfort of home and the promise of a new year filled with possibilities.
The frigidly cold air permeated the very fabric covering this unintentional host to Parkinson’s as we departed the church wherein today’s men’s prayer breakfast had been held. The breakfast had been a feast prepared by one of the faithful participants as his Christmas gift to his fellow prayer participants and was high among the list of things named for which we in communal prayer gave thanks this cold and nearly winter day. A buzz in the pocket alerted me to the receipt of a message. My daughter had just reminded me that 29 years ago, we arrived home from India. Suddenly, I became consumed with the grateful memories of the journey from what was then known as Bombay to a strenuous tour through Heathrow in London, finally arriving at JFK’s then Pan Am terminal. The ending of one journey marked the beginning of another that continues even today with a heart filled with gratitude for the loving presence of our daughter who like her older brothers, is a precious gift from God! That day of our arrival first to JFK and then to our nineteenth century row house in Philadelphia, marked the continuation of blessing added to blessing that serves as a living reminder that thankfulness gives fuel to the faith that lights our path along our journey of love!