This negotiator of challenges presented by the degenerative neurological disease called Parkinson’s hit a painful low on the energy scale today. The day began as I became consciously aware of the pain in multiple parts of my body. My legs felt numb while my neck felt stiff and painful and my lower back ached as I with more resistance than usual, reached for the bedcovers I had pulled up close when I returned to bed after a tedious trip to the bathroom nearly five hours before. I stared at the lighted projection of the current temperature and time as it glowed on the white ceiling. The time was about forty-five minutes later than I usually wake from a frequent night of dreams. Achingly and stiffly, I emerged from my sleep position that had not changed over the five hours of segmented sleep. Following my established routine of inserting my feet into the socks I had positioned next to the bed the night before, then carefully placing each leg into the cotton pajamas a I then slowly pulled the long-sleeved comforting shirt over my head and down to my waist. The newly charged I-Watch was taken from its charger and placed into the pajama pocket as I slid my glasses on and took hold of the helpful walker I use to prevent falls during the evening when I move around. The den was my destination with a relieving stop by the bathroom. Gracie the loving and attentive Golden, was waiting at the den’s door to the outside where she could explore any interesting new smells, get a rejuvenating roll in the grass, and eliminate those things needing to be expelled after a night of rest, dreams, and sleep. The walker was placed in its daytime position, and I shuffled in pain toward the kitchen to prepare the dosage of various dopamine combinations consumed daily. The coffeemaker was turned on in anticipation of my daily consumption of caffein in the early morning. A bowl full of a habitual cereal with a few spoonsful of yogurt were put together just before letting Gracie in to consume to food placed in her bowl by the automatic timer. As pain emerged with its ugly presence in my waist and lower back, I intentionally met it with readjustment of my posture that positioned me in an almost overexaggerated way. As I moved in what might be viewed as an awkward way to my welcoming recliner in the den, walking with intent of lifting my feet to avoid shuffling, I placed the cereal bowl and coffee on the lamp stand beside the chair. Thoughts of gratitude are virtually always lifted at that time of quiet consumption of the first nutrients of the day. With the early morning dose of the dopamine supplement already consumed, I also lifted thoughts of thanks for availability, and the ability to ingest what was anticipated as being at least a partial relief of the pain and stiffness induced by the depletion of the biologically constructed neurotransmitter. Recalling the days when I took movement for granted and never questioned the ability to walk across the room or move rapidly in the direction I intended and or needed to go, the temptation to dwell on the “can’t” versus the “can” arose as from a place of grief that I have learned to accept as being normal, but not the whole story of who I am. It is amazing how gratitude and the process of its expression lifts the weight that can so easily be plunged up us by the challenge of what has become the new normal in movement. Gratitude lightens the burden of a heart seeking to thrive!
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