The old pecan tree sheds its small green blossom strings as the winds whip by with bursts of energy from the north. Every web a spider has made acts as an unwitting trap for the tree’s rendering, giving warning to this aging possessor of Parkinson’s as to where not to walk lest he be encompassed by the arachnid’s trap. The sky is bright and nearly clear, but the temperature demonstrates a lingering presence of a northern blast as Spring asserts her belated appearance. My preference is a gentle breeze without the presence of flying pecan blossoms and sticky spider webs to avoid while moving awkwardly around the yard by the house. But you see, nature has nothing to do with my preference, but rather follows the prompting of a greater force than the whim of my will. Likewise, I’ve slowly made friends with the fact that being the host to the disease called Parkinson’s has nothing to do with my preferences nor desires. It has blown in to find a place to “act out” its chemically determinant whims. You see, I prefer the absence of pain and the presence of ultimate self-control when moving from one position to another or when walking across the room or out the door. I prefer not having to experience “freezing” moments wherein my body will not move smoothly at my mental (or loud verbal) command. I prefer having a peaceful and restful night’s sleep and to awake to the power of revitalized energy for that day. I also prefer not to experience untoward muscle jerks that accompany those undesired late-night obsessive thoughts of things for which there can be no resolution at that moment. I prefer to not be captive to small chemical substances that must be consumed on a routine basis to lessen the severity of all the things mentioned above that I would prefer not experiencing, plus a few added ones. I am grateful, however, to have the ability to learn how to cope with challenges of nature and disease. What worked yesterday or last week may not work today, but so far, the value of options has shown itself to be available each day. Seeking the place of gratitude for even what appears as the smallest touch of grace that releases one from what was desired and sometimes experienced into the place of what is and could be adapted, fills this heart with hope and assurance that each day, there is a way!
Leave a Reply