Prepared To Share

The train was rumbling southeast from Berlin toward the Polish border. The one week course in Berlin had concluded and I and several of my fellow graduate students from Penn were on our way to a course on emerging economies. We would begin the next day with a lecture at Jagiellonian University in Krakow, where Copernicus had studied. I had found a non smoking compartment on the train and was pleasantly enjoying the company of myself and my novel. At the Polish border an older gentleman entered the compartment with brown bag and small carry on in tow. I said “hello” as he sat across from me wearing a friendly smile with a look of contentment. I introduced myself and asked if he spoke English. He shook my hand as he blurted out “Frederick”. It was obvious that the English language was not at his command nor was Polish among my verbal or written skills. As we traveled together those several hours, we engaged in the process of getting to understand the other’s language. I pulled a notebook from my case and began writing English words to identify on object we had passed on the train. He would respond by writing the word in Polish and then verbally repeating it. In a short while we were communicating, not in language as much as in understanding. Language became incidental to the communication. He looked at his watch, reached in his brown bag and presented me with an apple and a salami sandwich. I thankfully declined as he insisted I share with him as he brought forth another apple and sandwich from the bag. I asked him why he had two of each. He told me his wife had prepared his meal for the journey and had included a second one in case he had an opportunity to share with someone else. As we consumed the humble feast, he was content that the purpose his wife had intended had been fulfilled. As the train pulled to a stop in the small village just a few miles north of Krakow, Frederick stood and enthusiastically shook my hand saying “goodbye” and “nice to meet you” before departing the train. I learned that day that communicating with others requires first a desire for that communication followed by an active pursuit of understanding from the other’s perspective. Learning to live with chronic illness also requires that one “listen” to what is being communicated by the affected member(s) and gain understanding of what is being said from its perspective. It may be trying to tell us something to which we need to respond in a way differently than habit would dictate. Learn to understand your body’s language.