Acceptance is Not Defeat

I just tried five times to button the cuff on my left wrist. After removing my watch and sitting back in my recliner, the sixth attempt was the charmer. I smiled broadly at the change that has come. Not at the loss of dexterity, but at the loss of anger over being challenged by this menial, previously taken for granted exercise of dressing one’s self. Acceptance is considered a part of the grieving process. I’ve had some issues with the notion of acceptance. At one point I felt acceptance would mean defeat. I believed that PD meant X outcome; therefore, I was not going to surrender to that outcome lest I disable myself entirely. Within the process of talking through and reasoning about what I am experiencing, I’ve come to make friends with the actual experience rather than the self-judged sentence of what that means about or for me. A challenged walk, an intermittently trembling hand, occasional stiffness and a few aches and pains when taken individually and accepted as a hill to climb or a slope down which to ski is nothing more than what each is – a singular challenge to be lived within. The anger over these experiences is subsiding as I accept each in the moment and recognize I have nothing more pressing than that moment in time. I fully recognize that this is not my destination but rather another leg on my journey and I am thankful for the opportunity to be traveling. Thank God for teaching me how to live in the moment. The reward is not my scholarship, but a blessed peace of mind!