Who Are You?

I want to talk about a point made in yesterday’s post; the one about “you are greater than your diagnosis!” I’ve often thought of myself or even others in a single minded fashion. I’ve said to myself: “I’m a country boy”, or “I’m a singer,” or “I’m an animal lover.” Lord knows, I’ve said a lot of other things about myself that aren’t so flattering too. None of those things define me or who I am. They have each had a role to play in the way I have chosen to navigate life, but they have not defined the sum of who I am. Likewise, PD does not fill this jar of clay called Tom to the exclusion of all else. There is much, much more to me (or others) than a few dead cells in the substantia nigra resulting in diminished dopamine.

Early in the diagnosis, I was emotionally consumed with what it meant (more of what it didn’t mean, but what I thought) to have PD. This added to my grief, which has to be experienced, but it went far beyond that grief. I was perched precariously on the precipice of personal pronunciation that I was a “victim” of Parkinson’s disease. Then I went even further to define what that “must” be in me. It wasn’t enough that there had been a diagnosis of PD, I was about to have that define me. Fortunately, that misguided tour was short lived and I returned to the land of “get a grip.” The map of that terrain is drawn from well documented travels over many hills and through numerous valleys, none of which have been a destination called Tom. These are a part of the intricate tapestry that is me. Leaving the prison of singular definition is taking a deep breath in the air of endless possibilities.