It’s early morning and the sun has not yet begun to glow in the eastern sky, however, in the northwestern horizon the sky is aglow with light. The city and state just north of the farm is only a mile away and in these wee hours of the morning in the absence of sunlight, factory and city lights make themselves known. Earlier, as the seemingly routine sleep disturbance knocked so profoundly on the mind of this Parkinson’s host, I lay there frustrated that the sleep that had so passionately overtaken me just a few hours before had departed so abruptly. The more I tried to take control of my thoughts and seeming obsessions the greater the frustration grew and the further from that desired place of deep sleep I traveled. As frustration grew it became obvious that sleep was not to be even a faint visitor. The harder I fought to return to that place of rest the more “unrest” I exposed. This journey along the road of PD pandering has been fraught with frustration, a few feelings of defeat and a light of hope brought forward in utterances of thankfulness for even moments of quiet peace and joy. Today is different! Today I surrender! I surrender not to defeat but rather to the reality that life has changed, my body is different than it used to be, sleep as I have known it for years may or may not return. Agility as I had taken for granted so often in the past may never even make a visit again. Suddenly, there was peace within as I began to embrace the whole notion of surrender. This surrender does not translate to defeat; it partners with what is to be victory in this life that sorts through what is important and what is not. There is more to be learned as I begin today to walk along the journey of surrender, worrying not about my enemy but rather grasping the opportunities that are afforded me by the freedom from fighting that can be exercised in the joy of living!
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